Waiting on the Shingle
by Charlotte A. Cavatica
Summary: Oneshot #9: Alice/Jervis 1-sentence challenge. Yes, I found more prompts.
1. Start at the Beginning, Said the King

I don't own it. There would be significantly less Batman in the series if I did.

Summary: Dr. Cates decides that Jervis Tetch's office needs to be more professional. To this end, she hires him a secretary. Unfortunately, nobody tells him. This is Alice Pleasance's first day at Wayne Enterprises. AlicexJervis

* * *

Alice was perhaps not the most observant of girls—came from always being off in her own little world, supposedly—and her women's intuition wasn't much to speak of, but she did have a certain sixth sense about some things, and right now it was warning her rather loudly that a long and trying road lay ahead. Here was the evidence:

One (1) "new" desk with three (3) drawers, covered and stuffed with massive quantities of clutter: ancient memos, record books, manila folders, stacks upon stacks of messy papers, pens, and notepads, and the oldest, dustiest typewriter she had ever seen. (Check.)

One (1) aggressive, authoritarian, stiff-backed supervisor giving her a look to scare Medusa. (Check.)

One (1) absentee employer of indiscriminate gender; "a slacker and a recluse," courtesy of the supervisor. (Check.)

Seven (7) hours left in the day to turn her and her employer's sections of the office into a lean, mean, organized machine up to the discriminating standards of the supervisor "so that some real work can be done"; again, courtesy of the supervisor. (Check.)

No (0) tea bags in the kitchen. (Check.)

No (0) tea. (Check.)

This was going to be a challenge. (Check.)

After Dr. Cates, Alice's new supervisor, left the room, presumably to go attack a small village, Alice explored her new office a bit. Certainly, this wasn't her first secretarial position, but it was the first where she was all alone. She had mostly been a member of a typing pool and an assistant secretary. Now, in her new position at Wayne Enterprises, she was in the big leagues.

Dr. Cates had referred to Alice's employer as someone named "Tetch." The manner in which the name was said suggested that this Tetch was a male, but Alice couldn't be sure.

Placing her purse on her desk chair (the only clutter-free surface in the room), Alice wandered over to a door down the hall. Upon trying the handle, she found it locked. Knocking yielded no response, so Alice returned to her desk with a frown.

"Maybe he comes in late," she murmured, and opened up the filing cabinets. Discovering that their contents resembled nothing so much as the nesting materials for birds, Alice sighed, shed her sweater, rolled up her sleeves, and began to sort all of the mess in the room into piles on the floor. Maybe she'd find the supply closet and some cleaning supplies later.

* * *

Once ensconced deep within his private office, neither raging fire nor atomic bomb could rouse Jervis Tetch. A raging Marsha Cates could do it, but she was a weapon Beyond Man's Comprehension and did not count.

Right now, his primary focus was on dissecting the marvelously well-preserved ape brain before him. Until he could get his hands on a human brain, this would have to do for his preliminary work. The idea for this proposal had always been a fantasy of his, seemingly unattainable until total miniaturization and nanotechnology become feasible. Now that he had the tools, he could attempt to reach that most tantamount of goals: creating a device so delicate, so powerful, so highly advanced as to be capable of opening another's mind to one and vice versa—to be capable of anticipating and influencing another's thoughts.

Oh, he very well understood the temptations of such power. He must be very careful not to let such a device fall into the wrong hands. But think of the potential! No more language barriers, no more misunderstanding, no more debates or fighting over trivialities! No more shameful secrets or lingering questions.

But, of course, it was just a dream, now.

He hadn't made a comprehensive study of the brain since before getting his degree. These past years had been spent developing tools for the purposes of creating nanotechnology. He had to re-familiarize himself with the physiology and medical implications, as well at the electrical impulses and synapses, at the very barest least, for the purposes of a preliminary outline. The research interval would be a long and lonely time, months and months spent in solitude, studying and building, before even being able to experiment. He was looking at literally years of research and development before he could even hope to perform an experiment on a live subject.

And until he could convince Dr. Cates of the need for and value of more materials, the best he could do was an ape brain.

'Oh well,' he thought. 'All in the name of science. "A grin without a cat," for the moment.'

It wasn't like he was giving up a sparkling social life for his work, anyway. Or indeed, any social life. In fact, this proposal would actually rescue him from the future: years and years' worth of excuses to evade blank looks and disinterested conversationalists at Christmas parties and conferences, a ticket out of the awkward social situations that reminded him horribly of his life in high school. A nightmare was nimbly avoided by advancing a noble purpose. Life was good.

Not how he imagined it, but good.

Pathetically lonely, but—

Hm. Perhaps it was best not to dwell on it.

As his eyes lingered on a medical diagram of the brain and a plastic-gloved hand delicately wielded a probe, poking the Wernicke's Area gently, Jervis reached out his other hand toward the direction of his tea cup. If this were a shared lab, he's be poached for _thinking_ of having a beverage near a counter. It really paid off to be a neglected expert in an obscure subject, sometimes. He vaguely remembered Dr. Cates referring to his preferential, self-imposed isolation as "grossly unprofessional" and threatening to change the situation to match the offices of the less specialized disciplines. Luckily, she appeared to have forgotten about it, because he remained alone in his lab and office space until this very day. He had no desire to stumble over other individuals and be forced to make idle chit chat with those that couldn't care less.

So there.

Wrapping two fingers around the cup's handle, Jervis brought the cup to his mouth, only to find it empty. Abandoning the brain and putting down the probe, he advanced upon the teapot on his desk.

To his annoyance, he found it to be empty as well.

The only thing for it was to go to the kitchenette and boil up more. That brain wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

Alice may not have known who was responsible for the mess, but whoever it was, was going to get a piece of her mind. If and when he decided to show up, that is.

The locked door had remained as silent as a tomb since she knocked. It was now half-noon, three hours after Dr. Cates left her at her desk. Alice had finally cleared off the desk and cleaned out the drawers and filing cabinets, which, aside from massive amounts of papers dating from 1972-1983, also contained a grand total of $38.14 in change, three golf balls, and a copy of "Jester Romances: The Trillionaire Pirate's Bluestockinged Virgin."

All of these treasures and more reclined in stacks on the floor, stretching out from Alice's desk space over to the locked door. Now all that remained was to create some semblance of order, establish an organization system, and cram everything back into its place.

She felt like crawling under her desk and curling up in a ball.

Instead, she sat cross-legged on the floor with a stack of folders and a Sharpie marker, fanning her slightly-sweaty face with a memo from five weeks ago, addressed to Jervis Tetch (at last, a name and a gender!), informing him that a secretary had been selected for him and would be arriving today.

There was no evidence that the memo had been received, but she tried not to let it bother her. After all, it did make an excellent fan.

Alice undid the second button of her shirt and sighed as she finished labeling the first cabinet's worth of hanging folders. She hadn't been expected this at all when she took the job. No employer, no coworkers, just an empty little office stuffed full of useless garbage that was hers to clean out. This was shaping up to be a disappointing, dull first day, and she was losing morale, fast. Distracted as she was, it was a miracle she caught the teapot.

* * *

It was only by twisting his knee in a way that was probably physically unsound that Jervis had been able to avoid firmly planting himself in the carpet when he began toward the kitchen. He'd been examining a strange chip in the side of his teapot when a lurking jumble of papers made a jump for his ankles and he'd wobbled, yelping, into an impressive leap of his own in an attempt to clear it. Meanwhile, the teapot ejected itself from his hand and proceeded in a graceful downward arc into oblivion. At least, it seemed to be oblivion.

He thought for a moment that his luck had turned and he was headed for a safe reentry when a loose paper appeared under the toe of his shoe and gravity conspired with the floor to bring him to an abrupt halt. The area around his right shoulder blade took the brunt of the blow and the rest of him followed soon after, scattering still more paper hither and yon.

"Unhhh," Jervis said in his dissent against the decision of the greater forces of physics, eyes shut. This was not a good day for him.

"Oh my gosh!" a new voice said. "Are you all right?"

Jervis opened his eyes and, gaping at the sight that greeted him, nearly swallowed his tongue.

He came to the conclusion that the fall had somehow killed him, because an angel was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside him, holding his teapot in one hand as the other hovered above his cheek. A curtain of gorgeous blonde hair hung over one delicate shoulder and her spectacular blue eyes were gazing right at him, wide with surprise and concern. Her pink mouth was parted, her cheeks flushed, and her clothes in a lovely state of slight dishevelment. She smelled of violets and her hand was warm and soft as it brushed his cheek.

Well, he wasn't sure what he did to deserve this, but he hoped nobody tried to resuscitate him.

And then pain sparked through his back and he was forced to reassess his theory on the grounds that breathing _hurt_. This fact, then, necessitated the reinstallation of the paradigm that he was still alive.

The angel didn't fade, however.

'Oh, jabberwock.'

"Can you speak?" she asked, putting the teapot aside and holding up her hand. "Your pupils are dilated. Here, follow my finger."

"Gnyah!" he said, rather eloquently. Jervis tried to scoot away a bit, so as not to make an even larger fool of himself. All he had to do was open his mouth, apologize, and quickly leave; he could still come out of this looking half-normal. "Abh, eh, q—quite un…ehm, you needn't…well, I…I…" What could he say? He had the gift of gab.

"Calm down!" the woman said, holding her hand to his face. He jerked and tried to sit up, but his head swam and he started to go back down. The woman prevented another slam by supporting his back and easing him down. "Relax, relax. Just sit still for a minute. Just sit still…" She had started a very distracting caress across his forehead, trying to soothe him like one would an over-anxious horse. They stayed there for a short while.

He lay very still, screwed his eyes closed, and tried not to think about her hand on his face. He wished she'd stop touching him. He wished he could stop Time right now ("he won't do a thing I ask") and live with this gentle, beautiful stranger's hand on his forehead for all eternity, without the inevitable embarrassing aftermath. Mostly, he wished he had shaved earlier that morning. This was not a good first impression. What a horrible day.

"Okay. Open your eyes for me?" she asked in a soft voice. He did as she asked and was rewarded with those same fantastic eyes looking at him. "All right, they look a little better. Follow my finger." She slowly moved a hand back and forth, up and down in the air, and he followed obediently.

"Good," she said, sounding relieved. "It doesn't look like a concussion. Is your back all right?"

"Er, uhm." 'Come on Tetch, use English!' "A-a bit, eh, sting-y," 'Sting-y? _Sting-y_?' "…actually, just now."

"Can I get you anything? An icepack?"

"No!" Actually, that sounded marvelous. But what if she disappeared, never to be seen again? "J-just a few more hours—Imeanmoments!—and I'm sure I'll be…fine?"

"Oh. All right," she said, finally removing her hand. He could've whimpered. "May I ask who you are?"

'I'm "in love",' he thought. He clamped his teeth around the words. "I'm Jervis Tetch. Ma'am. Miss. Er."

"Oh!" Recognition dawned. "Mr. Tetch!"

"Yes?" She knew of him? How?

"I'm Alice Pleasance. Your new secretary." She handed him a memo.

This might've been the best day he'd ever had.

* * *

Jervis Tetch was a very strange man, Alice decided. Strange, but rather…sweet, really. Like a puppy with feet too big for its body.

She'd managed to get him on his feet and lead him into the kitchen, one of arms draped over her shoulders for support. He hadn't liked the idea at first, but she had insisted, and had him ensconced at a chair in no time. She'd also given him an ice pack, which he accepted gratefully despite his earlier protest.

The microwave was now humming away, two coffee cups full of hot water spinning on the interior plate. Jervis had produced a pair of teabags from his breast pocket (apparently, he was the floor's sole tea-drinker and had a box in his office) and Alice was rebuttoning her shirt and rolling down her sleeves in an attempt to make a better second impression on him than her first.

'Exposing yourself in front of your boss. Very professional, Alice,' she thought, sighing.

There was a pregnant pause once both cups were steeping on the table.

"Cream?"

"Excuse me?" Alice jerked to attention.

"Cream, Ms. Pleasance? Sugar?" Jervis repeated.

"Oh, let me just get some…"

"Oh, no, I only meant…allow me…"

"Please sit down, Mr. Tetch," she said. "You should relax some more. That fall looked like it hurt." Alice didn't give him a chance to object, but leapt to her feet and clicked over to the refrigerator to acquire the dairy product in question. She plucked two spoons from a drawer and the sugar bowl from the coffee machine. "Here we are."

"Very kind," her employer murmuring, a little red-faced. He made no move to add either to his cup, but Alice threw in a little cream.

Another pause hung between them.

"So when did--"

"Where did--"

They both stopped. Stared at each other, then down at their teas.

Finally, Jervis spoke. "So, when did you begin, Ms. Pleasance? I apologize for not having been there."

"Don't worry," Alice said. "I was brought in just this morning, around nine. Dr. Cates showed me in."

"Mm. And what were you doing in the…hallway?"

"Dr. Cates told me my task was to clean up and organize the office. But I was really waiting for you to turn up and tell me exactly what I should be doing."

Tetch gave her a sheepish smile. "I'm afraid I'm not terribly sure myself. I hadn't any idea she'd hired you until I rather gracelessly threw myself at your feet."

Alice giggled slightly at this and smiled at him. "Well, until you make up a purpose for me, I'll just continue to do that, shall I?"

"'No fish goes anywhere without a porpoise,'" he murmured, almost to himself.

"What?" Alice asked, charmed. "Did you say 'no fish goes anywhere without a _porpoise_'?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's from Alice in Wonderland. A bad habit, I'm afraid," Jervis said, embarrassed. Alice quickly picked up on a new topic for conversation.

"You're an Alice in Wonderland fan? I've heard that it's great, but I've never read it myself…" Smiling to herself, it did not escape Alice that Jervis perked up considerably. There was a new confidence about him; clearly she had found a soft spot.

"It's quite my favorite. It's not at all just for children; in fact, I rather imagine little ones would be a bit frightened by it! But there's such genius behind all of the words…"

Alice sipped her tea, a little surprised to find herself fascinated by his comments. He really did have such a love of the topic. Well, she could relate, a book lover herself.

* * *

They were each on their third cup of tea when Alice, in mid-laugh, glanced over at the clock above the door.

It was three o'clock.

"Oh no!" she said in dismay, leaping out of her seat and checking her wristwatch. Sure enough, it was three o'clock.

"Ms. Pleasance?" Jervis said, rather surprised by this outburst. Alice paused at the door long enough to glance back at him.

"Dr. Cates told me she'd be back at four o'clock to see how I've cleared everything up! I'm late!" she bolted down the hallway to her desk, pulling open the filing cabinet. As Jervis came around the hall, his mug and hers in his hands, Alice continued, "She wanted me to have my station and your lab organized by close of hours!"

"Well, that's quite unreasonable of her. You mustn't fret, dear Ms. Pleasance, surely we can think of something."

"You can talk to her?" Alice paused, looking at him with awe. Dr. Cates seemed rather too forceful to take the word of anyone other than, oh, Bruce Wayne himself!

"Er. No, not really," Jervis deflated slightly. "Well, is there something I can do to help?"

"What does your office look like?" Alice asked, lifting a large pile of papers onto her desk and rapidly filing them into the cabinet.

"Oh, there're only a few things in there, mostly on my desk. Surely that will be all right."

"Thank goodness." If he kept his lab the same way her section had been kept, she would've been dead. "Well, Mr. Tetch, if you don't mind, you could hand me up the stacks of paper on the floor. I'd be happy to have some good company."

A sweet, slightly goofy grin spread across his face. "It would be a pleasure, Ms. Pleasance. And please, call me Jervis."

"Then I'll just be Alice."

* * *

Marsha Cates was not in a mood to be toyed with. All she wanted was to go home at the end of a long, tense day, but she had to visit her least favorite scientist first. Tetch was, to her, an unproductive burden to the rest of the company. He hadn't produced anything to show his work on his new proposal; Mr. Wayne had seemed interested in the idea when it was mentioned at the last funding meeting, but since then Tetch hadn't done a thing.

Marsha relied on results to keep her job, and Tetch failed to supply them all to frequently.

She hoped that the new girl was enough to get him into gear. Alice seemed competent, if pretty to the point of being distracting. One could only hope that something decent would be produced out of this.

At the very least, Marsha wouldn't have to scream every time she wanted to see him.

* * *

Alice stood as straight as she could, her hands behind her back and her fingers crossed. She was alone with Dr. Cates now, as Jervis had high-tailed it back into his office when the supervisor's footsteps became audible on the tile.

Dr. Cates ran a finger across the top of the desk, inspecting it for dust. She'd already been through the filing cabinets and the desk drawers, and all seemed to be going well.

"Not bad, Alice." Alice's shoulders slumped in relief. "And have you met Tetch yet?"

"Yes, ma'am. Mr. Tetch and I have established communication and he's going to give me an over-arcing organizing assignment he's had in the works for some time now." Although this wasn't entirely a truth, it wasn't a lie; Alice had offered to type up the man's notes, which were scrawled out in a cramped hand on bits of paper, tissue, and napkins. "And I've been able to engage him in a steady and productive rapport based on his proposal, helping him find any loopholes." Also a half-truth. Jervis had been delighted to talk about the project, and cheerfully explained all of the aspects of it Alice didn't understand, which was rather all of it.

"Very impressive, Alice," Marsha Cates nodded. She liked this girl already. "Keep up the good work." The doctor jerked a thumb at the door. "Is he in?"

"I don't believe so, ma'am. He said he'd be right back, if you'd like to wait…"

"No, don't bother," Cates said, briskly, flapping a hand. "Just tell him I want a report on his research on Friday morning."

"I'll tell him right away, ma'am," Alice smiled. She wondered if Jervis was listening through his door. "May I help you with anything else, Dr. Cates?"

"Just hold down the fort and keep him busy, Alice. Not a bad first day." And Dr. Cates spun on her heels and click-clacked down the hall as rapidly as she had come.

Once the woman was out of earshot, Alice wiggled in a silent victory dance. She skipped over to her employer's door and knocked loudly. He was there in seconds.

"She's gone!" Alice was flushed with success. If she read Dr. Cates right, such praise as she received was rare.

"And you still have your head! Congratulations!" Alice put a hand to the door and Jervis took some quick steps back.

"May I come in? I don't think I've seen the inside of this place yet."

"O-of course. Come in, come in." He held the door wider and Alice gasped.

The massive bookshelf-cum-desk at the side of the room was stuffed to bursting with papers, pens, small mechanical parts, scientific equipment, tea cups, tea wrappers, and at least four different types of unidentifiable 'stuff.' The armchair beside the desk held a massive stack of books, a set of test-tubes perch precariously on top. Compared to this, her desk had been positively spotless. She felt her knees tremble.

"Well, I suppose I know where I'll be, tomorrow," she said with a sigh. Tilting her head, Alice slanted a glance at Jervis. "'Only a few things,' you said?"

The scientist smiled sheepishly. "'When I use a word, it means just what I chose it to mean—neither more nor less.'"

"It's just as well to quote Carroll at me, Jervis," Alice replied with a smile of her own as she made her way to the door. "You'll be talking out of the other side of your face when you have to deal with me underfoot all tomorrow."

"It will be a distinct pleasure," replied Tetch.

"And please leave the door open." Alice meandered down the hall to her desk, where her handbag and sweater waited for her.

"If I must."

"You must." Alice shrugged into her sweater and smiled. "Good night, Jervis, until tomorrow."

"Good night, my dear." The secretary headed out of the office and towards the lobby. Jervis watched her until she was out of sight, and sighed happily.

"This could be the beginning of a frabjous relationship."

* * *

A/N: Not much to say. I kind of borrowed Vytina's idea of a bad first impression between Alice and Jervis, but I hope a gave it a different twist.

Also, I just want to point out that I do not consider Jervis to be in love at this point. A crush, definitely. But I tend to think that he geniunely likes Alice beyond just the fact that she's lovely; I think he finds her fascinating in addition to her exterior and her name. Plus, she's actually interested in him. That's gotta count for a lot, too.

This is probably going to inflate into a series of oneshots, or something of the kind. There's literally years of material for these two, so anticipate more from that time frame. I might also shove other, unconnected things here as well, so keep a weather eye.


	2. Never Jam Today

I don't own Alice or Jervis, but Urania, Edith, Jack, and the mouse are mine. The experiences that befall poor Alice are mine as well, although not all of them at the same time, as they occur here.

Summary: Alice loves her job, except on days like this. A comedy of errors and misfortune follow her around on one horrible, awful day. Then she makes a friend. After all, where did Jervis' mice come from? Alice/Jervis

* * *

Alice had been working at Wayne Industries for Mr. Jervis Tetch for six months, and she couldn't have been happier. She had always been a neatnik, while her employer was more of a pack rat, but they managed to coexist happily and kept one another busy. Alice loved coming into work and sharing a cup of tea with her employer, typing up his reports and organizing their office space, helping Jervis dodge and mollify Dr. Cates (their mutual employer and the technology director) and handling grant requests, supply orders, and the occasional misinformed visitor. She enjoyed assisting Jervis with his research and experiments and working with the secretaries from other offices to keep some semblances of communication flowing.

Yes, it was very safe to say that she loved her job, and she wouldn't trade her position for anything.

But the way the universe was testing her job loyalty today becoming frustrating and somewhat painful.

It had started out inconspicuously enough. She had been a moment too late to catch her train, and was forced to wait for the next one, causing her to be about twenty minutes late. This happened very rarely, and it wouldn't have been a big problem if Dr. Cates hadn't caught her while she was entering the building.

"Late again, Alice? For the third time in four months?" the director asked, with a sharply raised eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Cates," Alice said, trying not to make her case any worse. "I missed my train. I'll stay later to make up the time."

"Yes, you will. But realize, Alice, that this company values punctuality and reliability, not lame excuses, from its employees. If you can't make a commitment to arriving on time, you should seriously looking at your chosen career a second time."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am." By heavens, this woman could be awful. No wonder Jervis loathed her.

"And tell Tetch that if he doesn't come to the meeting on Friday, it'll be his head!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Alice dashed to the elevators and made her escape.

Once in the office, she'd just put down her purse when Jervis came out of his office and asked if she would help him move a large box full of old radio equipment he'd managed to rescue. He was going to try and cannibalize the parts, in the hopes of making a basic transistor that he could then modify. Alice wasn't sure of all of the steps he was going to have to take to reach his eventual goal, but from the way he spoke, the building of this transistor would be preliminary work similar to walking toward a kitchen drawer to get a rag to wipe down the tables before setting places for a party of 60 who would be enjoying a fourteen-course meal using the finest linen, china, silverware, and crystal legally available. Simply put, it wasn't that they were "going nowhere," but they were going slowly enough to make it seem that they were.

She supposed it couldn't be helped, though, since this was delicate and as-yet unheard of work.

So they went right back down to the lobby and out towards the back of the building, where a huge cardboard box stood awaiting its carriers.

"How, exactly, did you manage to find someone willing to donate these?" Alice panted as they lifted the box between themselves and headed toward the door. She'd slipped off her outer blouse and her heels, thinking that walking backwards in pumps was a bad idea. They stood nestled in the box with the equipment. She winced as the sharp, pebbly asphalt pressed into her feet and tore her stockings. 'Perfect.'

"They didn't donate, strictly speaking." Jervis sounded like he was having as hard a go of it as she was. He'd abandoned his lab coat with her shoes and had rolled up his sleeves, the greatest concession to labor that Alice had ever witnessed him make. He was always so buttoned up that it was rather surprising to see him going along with her. "A thrift store owner gave them to me, provided I return the parts we won't use in working order."

"Wait," Alice said, both to halt the march and the conversation as she was pressed between box and glass entrance. She pushed the door open with her rear end and there was a moment of rapid scuttling as they shepherded the heavy thing through the doors. "Are you saying these are broken?"

"Well, I can't be sure yet." There was another pause as they wriggled into one tiny elevator, the box taking up most of the room as they were crammed into one corner, practically breathing each other's air. "B-because, you see, uhm…I need to open them up, and if the parts work, then I-I'll use them, but to make good on the deal I made with the thrift store owner—did I mention him? Because that's really the only way we have access to these at all, was by making a deal, but to make good on the deal, as I mentioned before, I think—eh, heh, I'll, uhm…" Jervis was turning a worrying shade of red and fidgeting, pressing himself against the back of the elevator. Alice fanned herself with a hand and looked at him with concern. Maybe the physical exertion was getting to him.

"Repair the others?" she supplied, taking a guess.

"Quiteyesthankyoudear." Alice took this to mean something in the affirmative and the elevator dinged as they reached their floor.

After some serious fumbling (it was harder to get the box out of the elevator than to get it in) and a moment of terror when Alice worried that Jervis had thrown out his back, they continued their stumble back to the lab. They earned some very inquisitive looks as they passed by the Biology of Small Mammals offices but most of the chuckles were stifled. Alice glared at an intern who snorted as Jervis passed by; everybody in this place seemed to think that he was weird or crazy; in fact, all of the secretaries she had met offered their opinions that she was doing "so very well under the circumstances" of working for him. They didn't know anything at all.

Eventually, they reached their office. A space on the counter in the lab had been specially cleared, but Alice saw that she had to get in here soon to clean up again; the clutter was getting ready to go on rampage.

"Ready? One, two, three!" They lifted the box with a burst of effort and lifted it above the counter.

They were just about to settle it on the table when Alice saw the box wobble. She was going to ask if Jervis was all right when the box came straight down. It was only a fall of a few inches, but she wasn't quick enough to remove her left hand from beneath it.

"_Hahh_!" She bit back a scream and let out a sharp whine, ripping her hand back out from underneath the box.

"Alice!" Jervis was at her side at in an instant. Alice gritted her teeth and grimaced as tears formed in her eyes. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"It dropped on my hand," she said in a strangled voice. She cradled the appendage in question. It wasn't bleeding, but a little gash had been made on the back. Mostly, she was afraid she hand broken it.

"Let me see, dearest." He took her hand gently and glanced at it. "I'm just going to feel the bones quickly. It might hurt."

"Do it." His thumbs skirted over her skin, pressing gently. She nearly screamed again. '_AhhhhhhhGOD_!' "Stop, stop!"

"Can you move your fingers, Alice?" Jervis kept a hold of her hand as she wiggled experimentally. More pain shot up through her arm, but nothing like earlier. Every digit moved and he sighed with relief. "It doesn't seem to be broken. It's probably just going to be a bad bruise."

"Thank goodness," Alice sighed as the remnants of pain started to fade. A broken hand would mean time and money she didn't have. She flexed her fingers carefully against his hands. "And thanks for checking."

He smiled sadly at her for a moment, but when she brushed her fingers in his hand, he dropped her palm like it was a red-hot fire poker, jumping back nervously. "Oh, not at all! My pleasure." His eyes widened. "I mean, not that you got hurt, of course, but that I could be here for you when you were. I mean, not that I'm not when you're not hurt, because I am, forever, really. I mean, if you need me. That is, want me." He ran a hand through his hair, eyes darting around the room.

Alice smiled a little bit. Jervis could be terribly strange, but he always could make her smile. "Thanks, Jervis. That's sweet of you to say."

He grinned, looking pleased. "What you need is an ice pack. Stay here, my dear, and I'll fetch you one."

Alice leaned against the counter and waited for him to return. She stretched her hand a bit, and then reached up into the box to retrieve her shoes. Clasping them in her right hand, she let them drop to the floor and slipped back into them.

Jervis returned with the ice pack and a cup of tea. "I thought this might restore your spirits a little."

She took the hot cup from him with a grateful smile, and took a little sip. Pleased to have a nice drink (and a little surprised that he knew how she liked it), she leaned her elbows on the counter and relaxed.

Then a chip flew out from beneath her heel and she slipped, spilling tea down her front.

Putting the still-mostly full cup on the counter, Alice buried her head in her crossed arms and moaned. "Jervis, if you consider me a friend and a colleague, please find a pistol and shoot me right now."

"Oh, my dear." A handkerchief floated before her. "You are having a rough time of it, aren't you?"

Alice took the hankie and pressed it against her breasts. She glanced down at her shoe. Luckily, only a chip off the side of the heel had snapped off, instead of the whole thing. She could still wear them and walk around, but she'd have to be careful not to slip again.

As she blotted her blouse, Jervis pulled her outer shirt out of the box and held it out for her to slip into. She returned his handkerchief with a sheepish smile and buttoned the blouse up to the top, murmuring, "Thanks."

"Thank _you_ for helping me drag this thing up. I'm afraid it's brought you more trouble than it's worth," he said, knocking against the side of the box.

Alice shrugged and smiled. "It's what they pay me for." She headed toward the door. "I'll be out here if you need me."

Slowing down to savor it, Alice leaned down to finally relax into her chair. She fell into it with a disappointed "whump" when the phone rang. Sighing, she let it ring twice more before answering it.

"Jervis Tetch's office, Alice speaking." She didn't try to infect much cheeriness into her voice, but kept it polite.

"Alice, honey!" Edith Dilleld, secretary to Jack Bowerby, a scientist in the BoSM department, yodeled. "What happened, darling, when you didn't pick up right off? You'll lose your position as Organization Maven if you keep it up!"

Alice had been declared the Organization Maven by the other secretaries for her –apparently- monumental accomplishment on her first week, when she completely cleaned and restored the entire office to order. Edith had been the Organization Maven before her and was acting rather like an ex-Prom Queen about the situation. The other secretary was a little too perky for Alice's tastes and always seemed to be overly-caffeinated.

"Hello, Edith. I'm afraid I'm just a little tired today. What can I do to help you?"

"Well, darling, I have some papers that your dear Mr. Tetch might find useful! He was requesting information about the electrical patterns in mouse brains, for heaven knows what odd reason!" Here Edith giggled loudly. "I would fax it to you, honey, but I know that you're practically in the stone ages down there in that little broom closet and don't have a machine! So, why don't you come over and grab it? We can have a little chat!"

"Thank you, Edith, I'll be right over. I'm sure Jervis will be pleased to have those papers. I'll talk to you in a moment." She forcefully holstered the receiver and sighed. She didn't want to get out of her chair, but if she didn't do it now, she'd never get up.

* * *

The Biology of Small Mammals department was all slick metal and polished glass, an ultra-modern sort of look that suggested progress, sterility, professionalism. It was also an utterly impersonal workspace. Alice's station may not be the best in the building, but she considered it more comfortable than this suite of offices.

Urania Stuart, the department's grant specialist and Alice's frequent lunch partner, smiled over at the blonde as she came in. Alice greeted her with a wave.

"Be sure you notice the flowers," the bespectacled brunette advised Alice. "That's the whole point of this little charade."

"Thanks. Is Bowerby in today?" Jack Bowerby thought of himself as something of a tomcat. He certainly had the looks to back it up, and he could really turn on the charm when he wanted to. But his seemed to be a rather oily sort of attention, not at all the kind Alice appreciated. Alice could be more charmed by quiet interest than by smoldering leers.

"Yeah, and he's been on the prowl, so be forewarned."

Edith was sitting at her desk, admiring a gargantuan bouquet of red roses, her long black hair perfectly coiffed into a stylish up-do. Next to Edith's slightly-opened, pressed white blouse, short red skirt, bare legs, and black stilettos, Alice felt terribly frumpy, flushed, and childish. And she wasn't entirely sure that was just her bad day talking.

"Oh, there you are, Alice! Aren't these just perfect?" the other secretary sing-songed.

"They're beautiful, Edith. From whom are they?"

"Just that darling, Philip Winethrope! Surely you know him? The Biology director?" Dr. Winethrope was on a similar level as Dr. Cates. "I just love to have fresh flowers on my desk, don't you, Alice dear?"

"I'm sure I don't get flowers as often as you do, Edith. I just try to make do without. They really are lovely, though." All right, so Alice wasn't the object of anyone's fascination or floral arrangements. But she didn't clamber for attention, either.

Edith took a single appraising scan of Alice and pulled a hairbrush from one of her drawers.

"Oh, Alice, angel, what _is_ that Mr. Tetch having you do? Build a rocket-ship? Here, honey, brush your hair, it could really use it! Haven't you have a busy morning, you poor little thing! Looks like a bad coffee stain (smart of you to try and cover it up), a broken shoe (I'm so sorry but I don't have anything to help you there), and—_OH MY GAWD_, look at your poor hand! What _could_ be going on, darling?" Alice glanced down and saw that the bruise had already begun to form, a large purplish mark spreading down from her knuckles half-way to her wrist. She sighed and absent-mindedly brushed at her locks, working out a snag or two.

"Just a rough morning, Edith. Nothing to worry about, really."

"Oh, but darling, I just couldn't let you leave when you still look such a wreck!" Alice sighed. "Come on, sit down and talk with me a little bit!" Aside from showing off tokens of her male admirers' adoration, Edith loved nothing more than the gossip, and Alice seemed to be her chosen captive audience of the day.

There were no chairs in sight, so Alice just leaned her hip against the desk edge. Edith continued in a stage whisper. "Now, sweetie, _do_ tell me what that little scene in the elevator was all about! And don't you leave a thing out!"

"Excuse me?" Alice said, wonderingly. "What scene?"

"Why, you and your dear Mr. Tetch, Alice!" Edith patted the side of her computer, her pride and joy. She always spoke in glowing terms of modernity and thought it was very "quaint" that Alice used a typewriter. That was Edith: top-of-the-line computer on one side, knee-meltingly handsome employer on the other, and a huge display of flowers in the front.

Never mind that she had barely any idea of how to use the machine and that it malfunctioned almost every day, nor that Jack was a womanizing and sleazy creep, nor that the flowers…well, the flowers actually were rather nice. "I was just typing in some of last week's data right into our database, when I look up for a minute and I see the doors open, and there are the two of you, pressed together like there's no tomorrow!"

"Oh, that. Jervis managed to wrangle a deal with a thrift store for radio parts. He's making a transistor for his project. Unfortunately, the box is huge and he needed help lugging it up into the building," Alice flicked her hair over her shoulders and brushed a bit more. Edith had had a point—her hair did want brushing. "In fact, that's how I got this," she held up her hand. "The box fell and I wasn't quick enough."

"That's horrid, darling!" Edith pouted but bulldozed right on after her nanosecond of silent contemplation. "I do remember you two mucking about to get it out of the elevator…it certainly was a big box! No reason to be all smooshed up together, though!" Edith pouted her lips and wiggled her eyebrows. Alice was a little confused.

"Well, it was really cumbersome. It was lucky we were all able to fit in at once. There must be twenty radios in that thing."

"All those radios for one little transistor! Why, he just should've filed for the funds to get one premade, darling! Probably can't get Dr. Cates behind the project, is what it is! He is always in trouble with her, isn't he?" Alice bit her tongue. How, exactly, did everybody seem to know about that? "Oh, I know she just wants what's best for the company, really, and that we can't say word one against her, she's so competent and effective!"

"Jack has no such problem with Philip at all, you know! It's because he always has such marvelous results and he's such a hard worker! He's heading panel in just a week or two, and you're very welcome to come along…if your Mr. Tetch will let you out of his sight!" Edith tittered. "That man blushes brighter than anyone I've ever seen! And you know I can see these things from miles away, and I must say it's very cute! I wouldn't dream of it myself, but I say 'different strokes for different folks'! Such a pretty little girl like you and such a…man like Mr. Tetch! But perhaps he can offer something else, I suppose! He's taken such a shine to you!"

Alice finished her hair and rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Edith. We're just friends. After all, a man as smart as Jervis wouldn't notice me, or pay attention to romantic stuff like that; his only interests are Lewis Carroll and science. He's too polite to say it, but he must think I'm a blockhead, anyway, the way I interrupt and make him go back and explain everything to me. I've tried to look up just a little of what he's working on and I can't make head or tail of it. I've had to ask him to explain that, too."

"Ooh, no, Alice! You'll only encourage him with that kind of behavior!" Edith squealed, giggling. "It's showing an interest, darling!"

"Well, I am _interested_, because what he's doing is _interesting_, even if it leaves me more confused than ever," Alice said, handing back the hairbrush. "Thanks. Could I have the papers you mentioned?" Edith leaned down and shuffled through her drawers for a moment.

As Edith handed Alice the papers, Jack Bowerby entered the room. His face broke out in a curved smile, a rather catlike look coming into his expression when his eyes fell upon the blonde. "Alice, beautiful, how are you?"

"Hello, Mr. Bowerby. I'm just fine, and you?"

"Fantastic, fantastic. Call me Jack, baby. Hey, what've you got there?" He gestured to the papers in Alice's left hand.

"Oh, just some data for Jervis to look at—"

"No, no, no, no. Your hand, honey, your pretty little hand. Lemme see…" Jack made to take it, but Alice drew away with a couple of quick steps, flashing a worried smile.

"Just a little bump, nothing to worry about, really. Nice to see you! Good bye, Edith!" Alice made for the door and Jack called after her.

"Whenever you decide you're done doing hard labor for Tetch, come on by! I'd be thrilled to have you in this office, gorgeous!"

Alice couldn't leave fast enough.

Urania checked her watch. It only took the blonde four seconds to dash from the doorway to the corner of the hallway. A new record.

* * *

Alice melted into her chair.

She had just dropped off the papers from Edith when she heard yelling coming from her employer's office. Jervis had been up to his elbows in radio parts, enduring a surprise onslaught from Dr. Cates. The director, enraged at the radios and the manner in which Jervis had acquired them, turned to Alice when she arrived. She had instantly been berated for not being at her station. Her lateness that morning was also brought up and the blonde had flushed a guilty shade of red as the director turned her fury back on the scientist, telling him he needed to reprimand his secretary for not recognizing her responsibilities.

With a final threat of things to come if this incident was ever repeated, Dr. Cates stormed out with an ominous "Your heads will roll!"

They shared a morose cup of tea in the kitchen, pondering their fates silently. Alice wondering what her punishment from Jervis would be, Jervis presumably wondering how to escape this imbroglio with his job intact.

Alice had gulped down her lunch then, discovering that, in her haste that morning, she hadn't noticed the mold on the bread or the decided squishiness of her apple.

The secretary put her head down on her folded arms and groaned. This had been the worst day she'd ever had in all her life. Worse than the day she got her bout of shingles in college. Worse than the day she'd gotten lost in downtown Gotham with only twenty dollars and a driver's license. Worse than the day Jervis' lab spontaneously exploded and burnt her new winter coat to a crisp (he'd insisted it had been an electrical thing, but never explained exactly what; still, he lent her his coat so that she didn't have to go home in a short-sleeve shirt).

All she wanted to do was melt into the floor, or drop dead, or sleep, or just not get back up. Maybe she should have gone and been a secretary at an ad agency. Nice, quiet advertisements. Or even a dental practice! Secretaries in dental practices didn't have days like this, did they?

But then something small and hairy with pointed feet crawled over her ankle.

'ROACH!' her brain screamed, and she let out a small shriek, pulling away from her desk and flailing her limbs a little. In the process, she upset a small glass bowl of mints on her desk. The bowl toppled to the floor, capturing a small white thing inside.

'Wait a minute…that's not a roach…'

* * *

Alice's hands were full, so she gently kicked Jervis' door with her shoe. "Jervis? Can you please open the door for me?"

"Your hand's not acting up, is it?" he asked as he pulled the door open. Alice hurried inside.

"Oh, no, no, that's fine. It's just...uhm, where is the brain tank?"

"I beg your pardon?" Alice knew she must look rather strange, her hands cupped around a glass bowl with a piece of paper over it.

"The tank you kept the ape brain in. Is it clean?"

"Well, yes. It's over on the counter." Alice spotted it and hustled over. "My dear, what are you--"

Alice placed the bowl gently in the terrarium and lifted the piece of paper. A white mouse sniffed the air, shaking from its encounter with a screaming woman.

"By the queen," Jervis murmured. "Where ever did he come from?"

"I found him crawling on my ankle. At first, I thought he was a huge roach," Alice smiled fondly at the mouse. He really was awfully cute.

"He must have escaped from Biology of Small Mammals. Well, it's easy enough to take him back."

Alice bit her lip. "Oh, I suppose…" He was just such a charming little creature, all fat and furry, snowy white fur and reddish eyes. His long, pale pink tail curled around his body and his translucent ears twitched.

Jervis glanced at her for a moment, and then realized where her thoughts were. "Oh, no. Not at all. We can't, Alice. We mustn't. You have no idea how much trouble…"

"But Jervis! He's just a sweet little guy, and they'd cut him right open in a second!"

"Can you imagine what kind of fit Dr. Cates would pitch if she found a mouse in here as a pet?"

"Oh, she'll never need to know! Come on, Jervis, we could rescue him! He must be a smart little guy, to get out all on his own. He'd keep you company when you're in here all alone."

"I do not need a mouse as a laboratory assistant, Alice." Oh, she didn't want it to have to come to this. Really, she didn't. But it simply couldn't be helped.

"Please, Jervis?" Her eyes went huge and watery, her eyelashes batting at him. Her lips poofed out in a pout and she clasped her hands together in supplication. "Please? Spare the little guy's life for me? I know it's a lot to ask, but look at him! He's just a lonely little scared mouse, with no one to mind him! You know you don't really want to turn him out; you're too sweet to do such a thing. You want what I want, don't you? Please, Jervis? Please? For me? Just this once? _Please_?" She was practically on top of him, playing Saint Alice of the Lab Rats. She really did want to save the poor thing and hoped that her employer was just enough of a softie to let her keep him.

"Gweeb. Uh, well, but Alice, really! We shouldn't—shouldn't even think about it, at all! Even if we both badly want to…"

"You want to, too, don't you?" Using his words against him. It was a dirty trick, but she batted her eyelashes a little more. She stepped a little closer, until the toes of her shoes were touching his.

"Well, t-that is, yes, of course I_ want_ to, I mean, I'd really love to, but we shouldn't because it isn't proper at all," he swallowed nervously. "I mean, there are dozens of things wrong with doing this, especially right here in the lab…" he was flushing a darker crimson than she had ever seen before. That was a little strange…was he all right? He looked a bit sweaty and his hands were fiddling nervously on the countertop, his eyes avoiding hers. She glanced over at the terrarium with the mouse in it and Jervis followed her gaze. "…b-because of the mouse, I mean! And Dr. Cates! And erm…well, what do you know about keeping mice, anyway?"

"I had a pet mouse in my sixth grade class." The jig was up. She put her hands down but didn't back off. Lightening the mood, she said, "Please, Jervis? I'll feed him and water him every day, and I'll get some thread and take him for walks around the block."

He chuckled at that, his face still rather red. Alice decided to give him some space and walked backwards to the tank and cooed down at the mouse, who had gotten out of the bowl and was inspecting his new surroundings. "You don't want to go back to that oily creep, do you, little mousie? You want to stay here with Mummy and Uncle Jervis, don't you? 'Please, Uncle Jervis,'" she squeaked, doing her best mouse impersonation. "'Let me stay with Miss Alice and you! I'll be an awfully good little mouse, you'll see!'"

"You are becoming extremely silly, Miss Pleasance," Jervis said in a wry sort of voice, coming over to look down at the rodent. "I suppose we needn't worry about rabies or anything of the sort, since he's a test mouse…"

"You mean…"

"Yes, but only as long as Dr. Cates doesn't know."

"Oh, Jervis!" Alice threw her arms around her boss and squeezed. "I knew you'd come through for us! You're absolutely the sweetest man in the world!"

Jervis said nothing, but rather shakily patted her back. Once she let go of her employer, she turned back to the mouse. "What shall we name you?"

She didn't really need to ponder it much, as the choice was obvious. "Lewis. Of course." Jervis smiled.

* * *

"Alice?" It was three weeks after Alice's horrible day and Lewis' inclusion into the office. "Would you please come in here?"

"What's up, Jervis?" It had been a quiet day so far, and this was the first time she had been called in all day.

"I believe something is wrong with your little pet." Sure enough, strange squeaking noises were coming from the tank. Alice came over to stand beside Jervis and look in.

Lewis looked fine, although he was sticking close to his bedding. There was a little blood on the cotton balls, which would've worried Alice if it hadn't been such as small amount. The squeaking had to have been coming from Lewis, but it sounded rather muffled.

"Do you think he's sick?" she wondered, biting her lip.

Jervis was about to answer when a little puff of the bedding suddenly moved, revealing a small pink foot and a small pink snout. Lewis was instantly up, replacing the puff, but it was too late. They'd seen.

Alice clutched Jervis' arm. "Oh, my goodness. Do you know what this means?"

"We have to start calling Lewis 'Carol'?" Alice giggled and swatted her smirking employer.

"We're grandparents!"

* * *

A/N: Okay, I'm sure everybody is completely sick and tired of hearing from me by now. Sorry, guys, but I've been attacked by plot bunnies and there is considerably more than this on the way.

If anybody would be interested in betaing for me, please drop a line. I'm in a paranoid terror of messing up Alice, since all we have to go on is that she's sweet, beautiful, considerate and shows a legitimate interest in and concern for Jervis. And that Jervis loves her very much. (That's one of the problems I see in the argument that he was only lusting after her: if that were so, why didn't he just use the mind control cards on her?) So advice is very welcome. I'm hoping to write a story from our Jervis' point of view next.

Anybody who figures out the Jack Bowerby joke gets a present and a hint of things to come.

Final thoughts: Edith is mean but observant. I look forward to using her again. Jervis is adorable when flustered and seems to have a tendency towards accidental sexual innuendos when I'm writing for him.


	3. While You Think Of What To Say

This turned out significantly sadder than I had intended. Go figure.

This takes place after Lewis has been rescued but before they discover that "he" is a she.

Summary: Jervis' day goes well until he realizes something's missing. What could it be? Why can't he think of anything to say? Why isn't Lewis very chatty today? Alice/Jervis, one-sided at the moment, a surprisingly angsty

* * *

It had been Jervis' favorite sort of day. The sun was shining and the sky was spectacularly blue, the air soft and fragrant with the newly-sprung flowers. Gotham, a city prone more to sullen shadow than light and openness, was uncharacteristically beautiful, as the scientist could see from his opened window. He didn't generally spend much time outside at all, but he still enjoyed sunny days and the endless opportunity for adventure they evoked. After all, it had been a rare, sunny English day when Alice escaped her lessons to follow the White Rabbit down into Wonderland. Sometimes, Jervis hoped the same would happen for him.

His small window to the outside world was opened and the only noises came from the street below, snatches of the conversations of passerby and the laughter of children. The day had been quiet, overall, without any unwelcome interruptions at all, even from Dr. Cates.

The research had gone easily today, his strong mind absorbing his reading and making annotations on new ideas to modify his outline. He had been quite productive all day, successfully rooting out potential problems and devising solutions for them.

It had been an excellent day. Practically flawless.

But.

Something was missing.

He paused, glancing up from his transistor. What could possibly been missing? He was working hard and feeling productive; he was enjoying the solitude and the beauty of the day. He was fascinated by the work and he making as-yet unheard of progress in his field.

Turning around with a frown, Jervis leaned against the counter and tried to think of what was wrong. His eyes lit upon the teapot on his desk.

Of course! He'd not had a cup of tea with Alice today. Jervis smiled and shook his head. How could he have forgotten?

The beautiful woman had brought him more happiness with her presence than he'd felt in many years and not a day went by that he wasn't happy to have her.

Jervis' hand was on the doorknob when he paused. He couldn't just explode out of his office at random and demand that his secretary take tea with him…he hadn't seen her all day, after all, and it wouldn't do to simply barge over after having neglected her all morning. His blockheaded behavior upon first meeting her still haunted him all these months later, and he wanted her to think of him as a pulled-together, intelligent man, not the quivering schoolboy he'd been upon meeting her. She'd think he was an absolute loony, if she didn't already, if he abruptly appeared after having been locked away all morning.

He tugged at his tie a little bit. She was probably busy, anyway, or perhaps having a conversation with one of the other secretaries. Maybe she even thought he was too busy to be disturbed. He would hate to have her think that he was slacking off when she'd seemed so pleased, yesterday, to hear of the progress he'd been making.

But he did so badly wish to see her! She'd not had to take a sick day, yet, but Jervis wondered how he'd manage to last an entire day without her. He'd never thought he'd ever rely on another person to make him happy, but without Alice, well…he'd feel desperately alone.

He glanced at his watch and smiled again. That was the ticket! It was twelve-thirty; perhaps he could claim to have had a busy morning and invite her to lunch. After all, it wasn't a bit unseemly for two coworkers to take their lunch breaks together. Granted, they'd never had lunch together before and he _was_ her employer, but surely the point still stood. The other employees didn't mind him or what he did a bit anyway, so it wasn't as if gossip would follow them.

But he had to be smooth. If he kept a little distance and stayed calm, he could project an aura of casual approachability. That always seemed to be what other men tried, and perhaps it worked. All he had to do was keep his head and he'd do fine. But what to say?

"Ms. Pleasance, would you…" No, he hadn't called her Ms. Pleasance since her first day. "So, Alice, are you doing..." That seemed rather too abrupt. He probably should address his absence. "Good morning, Alice! Care for a spot of lunch?" Well, it wasn't too bad, perhaps a bit over eager. "Hello, my dear. Would you honor me with--" By the queen, he was going to invite her to lunch, not request her hand in marriage!

Sighing a little, he felt his face heat up in a blush. He'd always had trouble talking to people, but Alice… Well, once he got started with her, he never wanted to stop. It was just that beginning was so dreadfully difficult and he never knew just how to say the right thing to catch her attention. Alice generally initiated their conversations, but he had to step up to the plate on this one. It was either that or let the day go by without seeing her.

Perhaps he was over-thinking his opening line. Their conversations always flowed so naturally once they were begun; maybe he should just go out and greet her. They could chat a little bit and he could let the invitation pop out at the right moment, and damn the phraseology, as long his tongue didn't tie up in nervous knots.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, squaring his shoulders. He, Jervis Tetch, was going to ask Alice Pleasance to take lunch with him, as friends and colleagues, and he was not going to make a fool of himself. He was going to remain calm.

He turned the door handle and proceeded out. When he was a few feet away from her desk, he began.

"Good day, my dear. How are you this…"

Alice's desk was empty. Jervis let his shoulders droop dejectedly and sighed. How utterly typical. All that worry for nothing.

He had been about to spin around and shut himself back up in his lab when his eye caught on his own name. A light blue piece of paper covered in Alice's neat handwriting lay on the desk. He picked it up.

"_Dear Jervis_," it read. "_Your door was locked when I tried to see you a few minutes ago. I knocked but I didn't get any answer; I guess you've been really busy today! I've gone to lunch at the Café d'Artagnan and, if you get this note in time, I'd be happy to have you come along, if you want. If not, I'll be back at one o'clock._

_See you soon!_

_Yours,_

_Alice_

_P.S. How is Lewis today?_

_12.05 PM_"

'Mine,' he thought dreamily, 'I wish.' Realizing what he was thinking, Jervis hurled the paper back to the abyss from whence it came and beat a retreat to his office with all haste.

'Control yourself, you foul cur! She is your _secretary_, and a good fifteen years younger than you!' The scientist leaned against his closed door, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'Friends. JUST friends. And lucky to have that!'

Perhaps he was being a bit harsh on himself, but it really was absolutely appalling. Imagine, him, an antisocial, unattractive middle aged man entertaining romantic thoughts of a fantastic beauty such as Ms. Pleasance! It would've been laughable if it wasn't utterly pathetic.

What did he expect, anyway? He'd never get up the courage to follow her to lunch, but he could imagine it, easily. On a day like this, Alice would probably choose to sit outside, at a table in the sunshine. Her legs crossed like the lady she was, she would sit in a cast iron garden chair with all the delicacy and grace she possessed when sliding into the worn, wooden chair at her desk. In the sun, her hair would glow golden and probably be brushed over one shoulder in a cascade of light. Maybe she would be reading a little paperback something, a cup of tea sitting beside her. She'd certainly attract many an interested glance; would she smile back at them, invite them to sit with her? Or—he indulged himself a moment—perhaps she would ignore them all, even glancing up and down the street every now and again, waiting to see if he would come by. That, he could imagine, as well: she'd see him, raise a slim hand in a cheerful wave. She'd smiled one of her radiant pink smiles at him and the twinkle of pleasure would reach up into her cerulean eyes. She'd try to wave him into the seat beside her, but he'd stay standing, for the moment, long enough to give her a one-armed embrace and press a soft kiss just below her temple—

'_Stop it, Tetch!_' He "thunk"ed the back of his head against the door. Blast it all, it was getting too easy to imagine these preposterous events. He felt utterly filthy, imagining such things about the angelic Alice Pleasance. The poor thing probably hadn't any idea, or so he hoped; he was sure she'd be terrified if she knew he harbored as mad a thing as the tender pash for her.

Sighing, Jervis looked over at the aquarium which had once held the ape brain he'd used for his preliminary study. Now, it was the home of a white mouse Alice had found scuttling over her ankles. The mouse, an incredibly fat little thing, was happily trotting on its wheel. The scientist wandered over to the cage and observed that the creature's food dish was empty.

"You're a very lucky mouse, Lewis, to have someone like Alice doting on you and looking out for you," he said, reaching into a cabinet over the tank to get a handful of pellets, which the secretary had brought in to feed the mouse. "I'd not have remembered to check your food if she hadn't brought it up."

The pellets dropped into the bowl and Jervis leaned down to rest on his elbows, watching the mouse. "In fact, you'd be right back where you started, probably on a dissection table, if I'd had my way. But she wouldn't have it at all. She has a soft spot for helpless things, I suppose."

Lewis hopped off the wheel and sniffed the pellets, picking one up in his forepaws and nibbling it. "Alice is right about one thing, I suppose. You seem to be a smart little beast. Looking right at me as if you were contributing to the conversation. Nibble 'while you think of what to say; it saves time,' I suppose.

"I shall let you in on something, Lewis, but only if you solemnly swear not to bring it up. I have every faith in your discretion, of course, but I shall need to hear it from you." Lewis soundlessly finished his pellet and licked his paws, which Jervis took to be a good sign. "Very well, then.

"You and I are quite in the same position with dear Alice, aren't we? She's rather gifted at caring about mice like men and making men into mice. I shan't go into how she and I first met; a man must have some secrets, kept even from the staunchest members of order Rodentia. But the point stands that helpless chaps like us would be utterly adrift with nothing to look forward to but screaming and experiments without her, what?

"She's quite gentle and friendly, isn't she? I'm sure she was very careful not to hurt you when you surprised her by touching her ankles, you lucky thing. Er. Well, I mean 'lucky' in that she didn't step on you for it," he began to explain, until he remembered that he didn't exactly need to fear suspicion from a mouse. "Well, no, I mean lucky in that you got to be so near to her. I cannot manage it without looking like an absolute fool. You may have noticed that she's quite lovely, by human standards, although I'm sure you'd prefer that she had large ears and a tail."

He chuckled softly at that. It was an absurd, but rather cute, image. "She wouldn't make a very good Dormouse, I'm afraid, because she never falls asleep when others are talking; she always pays such flattering attention. Did you know she even tried to do a little research on her own to find out what I'm up to all day in here? Said she couldn't understand it, the dear girl, and asked me for help. That's never happened to me before, where someone wanted something _explained_ instead of just given.

"Perhaps she would be a good March Hare? She's marvelous good company, but very sensible and organized. Not a word of reproach to people barging in on her, either. I wonder if she puts up with a lot of that from the other secretaries. She does seem to always be running errands. Of course, we don't spend every waking moment together, so I suppose that's rather out, too.

"Ah. It's rather a moot point. Alice is just charming and curious and…well, wonderful. She's just an Alice, through and through." Jervis smiled at Lewis, nodding as if receiving agreement.

A dreamy sigh floated up from his shoulders and lingered in the air, hovering about in the flower-scented breeze for a few sweet moments until it was brought back down to earth with a small, sad noise.

"And I am a perverted old man."

Jervis pushed himself away from the tank and brushed his hands down his coat, dusting the immaculate white front.

"Talking to a rodent about your secretary! And in such terms! 'Off with your head,' Jervis Tetch, as if you could keep it long enough for it to be removed!" He pressed the tips of his fingers firmly against his closed eyes.

This was hopeless, an embarrassing mistake, a child's 'crush' aching inside the chest of a man. Oh, he didn't want to think about her this way, not when he had a face card's chance at croquet with her. It was impossible, utterly impossible, and yet here he was. All his life he'd been alone, and at he first show of interest and affection—why, he'd pull out his still-beating heart for her, drag the moon from the sky, be absolutely anyone, if it would please her.

But it wasn't, after all, that she was discontent. It wasn't that he was in some way lacking. One couldn't lack what one had never had.

The smiles she would wear for her true love would never be directed to him. Even if the ties of another's love never bound her, she was untouchable, an angel and a goddess.

Jervis suddenly wished he had something to break, to bite into. This tension in his was close to making all his tendons snap; the crisp feeling of frustration and sorrow tightened throughout his body. He felt as if he could crush a beaker in one hand.

Instead, he poured a cup of cold tea and stared out the window, his jaw clenched and throat convulsing around a lump of inadequacy.

* * *

"Jervis?" More knocking. "Jervis, are you in there?"

The scientist had reluctantly gone back to his research, although the cheerful buzz from the morning had waned considerably. Now, he fidgeted, wondering if it would be better to just ignore her.

"Jervis? Are you all right? Can you hear me?"

Oh, that sweet voice calling his name… He shook himself and responded.

"Oh, Alice? Is that you?"

"Yes!"

"Please, come in!"

"The door's locked, Jervis."

He made his way over and opened the door. There she stood, a small tray in her hands with two cups of tea, a bowl of sugar, and a small carton of cream. She was as radiant as he pictured her, although there was a slight tilt to her eyebrows as she looked at him, concerned.

"Terribly sorry, my dear. I'm afraid I've been rather immersed all day." He led her over to the counter beside Lewis.

"No problem…are you sure you're feeling okay? You look a little upset." She handed him a cup and saucer and leaned a little closer to get a good look at him. He forced his features into a small smile and tried to ignore his racing heart.

"Quite all right, my dear. Thinking sad thoughts, as one is wont to do."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Her eyes were on him, but her hands were busy, dropping a small amount of cream into her own tea cup.

"Just. Ah…no, no need, just female troubles, really. I mean, not that I have any, or that they have any, really, but that I have troubles regarding females. Not that it's any fault of theirs, you see." Marvelous. He really knew how to impress her.

"You sure you don't need help? It sounds like it's really troubling you." What a ministering angel.

"Well," he flushed, "no, I don't think it'd be really a good idea. It's rather awkward."

"It usually is," she said, sounding somber as she sipped her tea.

"I just don't know what she (the female, I mean) thinks of me. You see?" He should really consider seeing a doctor about diarrhea of the mouth. 'Stop talking about this right now before you _really _embarrass yourself.'

"If she knows you at all, she probably thinks quite highly of you," Alice replied. He took a sip of steaming tea, more to fill his mouth and clear his head with pain than to quench any thirst. "After all, you're a fascinating man." He watched as she peered at him out of the corners of her eyes.

"All right, all right. Sorry, Jervis," she dipped her head, smiling sheepishly. "I'll let you alone about it. But I'm always here if you need me."

"Oh, never worry about that, my dear. Your interest is flattering." He took another gulp of tea and briefly considered trying to drown himself in his cup. This was more painful than brooding alone had been. But who could ever want a more perfect, innocent torturer?

"Lewis!" Alice exclaimed, changing the subject to focus on the little mouse. "Sorry, little guy, I've been ignoring you! I saved something really extra-special for you from my lunch." She pulled a carrot stick out of her pocket and dangled it over the mouse's cage.

The white mouse's attention was instantly focused on Alice's hand and the creature stood on its back legs with its front paws pressed against the glass, staring yearningly at the tempting tuber.

Jervis held the last of the scalding tea in his mouth and watched as the secretary held the rodent's heart's most desperate desire over his tank, hopelessly out of reach but no less wanted. She wouldn't tease the mouse long, but for the moment, he and Lewis were definitely in the same boat when it came to Alice.

* * *

A/N: See what I mean? It's hard to have feelings for someone who "walks ten miles over" you, especially if she if young and beautiful and perfect and you're you.

Well, there's always one random angsty chapter, isn't there?


	4. Slaying the Jabberwocky

Okay, is everybody completely sick of hearing from me yet? Jack and Edith are mine. "Dove L'Amore" is a cong by Cher. I am not Cher. Sorry to disappoint.

Summary: Alice is being plagued by a Jabberwocky. Jervis enters its tulgey lair to defend the honor of his secretary fair, but does not escape unscathed. How will be beast be defeated?

* * *

It always started out as a little tickle in her throat.

Technically, it would start as a snatch of sound carried to her on a breeze or passed by momentary contact in a store or a train car, but it always took root around her vocal cords. It would stick there, nestled and inconspicuous, for hours and hours. It could easily be mistake for innocent, if it weren't for the way it drew her thoughts back to half-forgotten words and made little humming noises vibrate through her neck.

Once she felt her fingers clicking or feet tapping softly, or, if she was standing, her hips tick-tock side to side, she knew it was only a matter of time until her tongue got involved.

"…I'll sing a love song…sing it for you alone…though you're a thousand miles away, love's feeling so strong!"

It had been such a quiet day, not that the location of the office was at all placed to invite visitors. Alice had been alone for most of the day, typing up memos and doing basic file maintenance. Her station was looking rather unruly these days, and it was high time it got a good cleaning.

At least when she'd been typing, she'd been able to cover up her humming with the noise of the machine. Now, her voice was loud in the empty room, although she didn't really need to worry. Jervis' door was closed and no one had dropped by all day; even if they did now, she'd certainly hear them coming.

"Come to me, baby! Don't keep me waiting! Another night without you here and I'll go crazy!"

It was still a little embarrassing, though, to be crooning a love song (Cher, no less!) to herself when anyone at all could happen along and catch her at it. On days like this she wished she could have a radio for company. Unfortunately, the Telecommunications Research Department was seven floors up and managed to bleed into whatever signal she could pick up.

Papers flicked through her fingers, planted precisely into their folder in the filing cabinet. Her pumps tapped against the floor, out to the sides and back and front in a one-woman tango. It'd been so long since she danced, she thought as her shoulders shook in a saucy invitation to the filing cabinet. Longer still since she'd danced with a partner.

"Whisper so sweetly…hear my heart beating…I need to hold you in my arms, I want you near me…"

She didn't know how Jervis could stand his constant silent solitude. It would drive Alice crazy to be quietly alone all the time. Oh, she didn't keep much company, certainly. She didn't even have a boyfriend, and she wasn't exactly the type to run about at the clubs in Gotham with a posse of friends. Alice tended to be a quiet type; sort of bookish, for lack of being anything else, sort of artistic, but only because it helped explain her head in the clouds all the time.

But Alice craved a little noise from time to time. She'd always loved music and, since she frequently lacked human companionship, she usually had a radio playing to fill up her rooms. Failing that, she'd willingly employ her own less-than-spectacular voice if she was convinced no one would hear her.

Clicking her fingers over her head, Alice swiveled her hips and molded a hand over the imaginary shoulder of a partner, one hand clasping the air in the suggestion of holding hands with someone else.

Using little more than balance, Alice carefully spun herself in her dream-man's arms, spinning in and out to face him again and, arcing her spine and lifting a leg cautiously, dipped herself back slightly.

"I keep on singing 'til the day I carry you awaaaaaaay!" Imagination pulling her back into the arms of a chivalrous matador, Alice belted the notes and placed a hand at the nape of her partner's neck, the touch intimate and innocent at once. "With my love song…"

Over the dying notes, she heard the squeak of shoes down the hall. Rapidly composing herself, Alice cleared her throat and recommenced filing.

"Alice, darlin', were you that siren I just heard?" Jack Bowerby asked as he sidled up to her station and leaned back against her desk.

* * *

The walls of the Nanotechnology Studies were somewhat thin, which had never much bothered Jervis Tetch, since he was usually too absorbed in his work to pay much attention to anything outside his lab. The only real inconvenience was the sweltering heat and frigid cold of the seasons as the weather leaked in through these walls. Luckily, the weather had been quite mild for most of the year, so the thinness of the walls hadn't been a problem.

Because of this architectural anomaly, however, it was reasonably easy to hear what was going on outside.

So when Alice's habit of singing to herself when bored manifested itself, Jervis was the first—and so far, only—to know.

He always smiled a little whenever she started crooning to herself, her pretty voice imperfect but determined to try the notes, since it was such a wonderfully intimate detail to know about her. He knew the sound of her embarrassed laughter after her voice cracked over a note, could imagine the shaking of her blonde hair over the mistake. He knew how rapidly she could stop singing as soon as someone entered the hallway leading to their offices; how she must have been too shy to let anyone else know what she was up to.

Alice's singing felt like a private performance, a show put on only for her own enjoyment, which Jervis had managed to gain access to. He'd not jeopardize his seat with a comment on it, of course, but he enjoyed feeling a part of a secret thing Alice didn't share with anyone.

Then, naturally, Jack Bowerby had to ooze in. Although he couldn't hear the exact words, Jervis could practically hear the lust in the other man's voice. He put down the circuitry board and drifted over toward his door, cracking it open very slightly. Alice had told him once that Bowerby made her uncomfortable, and Jervis wanted to be there for her in the event of catastrophe.

* * *

"Oh, hello, Mr. Bowerby," Alice said, feeling herself go vermilion. Why did he have to be here, now?

The dark haired man flashed her a suggestive smirk and leaned back on his hands. He planted himself between Alice and the rest of the office, making a ploy at privacy by blocking her path to escape.

"What do I have to do to get you to call me Jack, sweetcheeks? Throw myself at your pretty little feet? And you didn't answer my question: were those your pipes getting the exercise?"

"Me? No, of course not. I don't sing, you see." 'Please go away.'

"I think you're telling me a fib, beautiful." Bowerby tilted his head down and waggled his eyebrows. "Ol' Jervis managed to get a pretty little songbird trapped back here!"

"Oh, hardly, I think, though it's kind of you to say so." Alice turned fully to face him. "Do you need to see Mr. Tetch? I was looking at a memo a few weeks ago and I thought I saw that you two were working on very similar projects. I can go announce you."

"Don't you trouble yourself, Alice. I'd like to talk with you for a while before I have to go deal with business; get a few moments with a beauty before I have to go deal with the mundane world."

"No trouble at all, Mr. Bow—er, _Jack_," she said. She didn't want to call him "Jack." It suggested a closeness with which she felt uncomfortable. "What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Edith and I were talking just the other day about you, baby, and we've decided that it's just such a shame that you're locked away back here all the time. You're one hell of an organizer and a secretary, and besides, you're just too pretty to hide away all the time…"

Now a wink. Alice's stomach turned. Could she fake a summons from Jervis and hide in his lab until Bowerby left?

"…So since I had to visit Jervis the Nervous today, I thought I'd run the idea by you. You wanna come and spend some time in BoSM? I can guarantee you you'll at least be out of the Stone Age." He rapped a knuckle on her typewriter. Alice barely restrained a look of disgust.

"Really, Mr. Bowerby, that's not at all a kind thing to say about Mr. Tetch!"

"Oh, sorry, doll face. I don't mean to upset you; just a little nickname. All in fun, honey, we don't mean it."

Okay, she was done. Time to escape.

"Let me think about it a little bit, Mr. Bowerby. I'm very, very happy here with Mr. Tetch, but I'll keep it in mind. I'll just go get him for you."

* * *

Until Alice had come along, Jervis hadn't had any real opinion of Jack Bowerby. He was slimy and rather egotistical, but apparently he did reasonably good work and their departments didn't have to communicate frequently.

Bowery was apparently something of a protégé regarding mammalian brains and electrical activity, and had burst onto the stage of science with a controversial theory on brain variations and control within the group dynamic, and the potential for development and study of that dynamic.

Jervis had never bothered to read it, although the similarity of it to his own work had been disconcerting. Jack's youth also cause Jervis some discomfort, since he thought he'd overheard the man, at a conference, mention being a part of certain experiments that he couldn't have possibly been involved in, based on what would have been his age at the time. But perhaps he'd just heard wrong. Jack also had trouble articulating his ideas in speech, although evidently he was brilliant on paper. That, Jervis could sympathize with.

Still, he'd always held the slightest suspicion… Oh, never mind.

Most of the time, Jack Bowerby was below the radar of Jervis' attention.

At this particular point, Jervis surprised himself with how very willing he was to hit the man in the back of the head with a copy of The Complete Annotated Works of Lewis Carroll [Hardcover]. Maybe it would even leave a mark. That would be deeply satisfying.

Upon hearing Alice's proclamation that she would announce Bowerby to him, Jervis carefully closed his door and, after making sure it was unlocked, leapt clear across the office in an attempt to look productive.

Her knocking was rather rushed and frantic. "Mr. Tetch? Oh, Mr. Tetch?"

Before he could respond, he heard Alice cry, "Oh, dear, perhaps he can't hear me. He does get so engrossed. Excuse me; I'll just go in for a moment."

The blonde secretary shoved the door open and shut it smartly behind her, leaning against the surface with a sigh.

Jervis felt a wry smile tug one side of his mouth. "Good morning, Alice."

"Is it? I'm glad you're having one, then."

"May I take it you have an unwelcome guest?"

"Jack Bowerby's out there trying to steal me away from you." Jervis felt his cheeks heat up a little bit at the phraseology. 'A Jabberwock attack? The fiend. To arms! Fetch the vorpal blade!' "I think someone must have doused him in pheromones."

"Shall I go out and slay him for you?" Alice giggled.

"If you would so condescend, good sir knight. I would not sway you from your quest."

"There could be no greater cause than to defend your honor, my dear. Into the Jabberwocky's den go I."

"You're a great friend. Thanks, Jervis."

The scientist smiled and, brushing off the front of his coat, made for the door and the almost certain doom in the wabe.

* * *

Jack Bowerby was, amongst other things, a connoisseur of beautiful women. Ever since puberty, ladies and the romantic entanglements associated with them had been a source of endless fascination. After all, women saw signs in and took cues from anything a man did. One identical look could have Lola in accounting planning her wedding dress and Felicity over in Hematology sobbing into her sample selection.

He liked to surround himself with rare maidens, selecting the finest stock he could find. He imagined himself as something of a sultan, choosing a harem to fuss over him. It suited his ego to have feminine attentions and dreams revolving around him.

When he'd seen Edith Dilleld working for Albert Johnston in Forensic Pathology a year ago, he knew she had to come and work for him. Those dark eyes and all that black hair appealed to him; he liked the idea of having a sultry succubus in a short skirt and heels taking dictation and typing his reports for him.

But Edith didn't have in all her (admittedly lovely) body the sparkle that Alice Pleasance had in just one eyelash.

Alice was radiant. Perfect hair, clear skin, bright blue eyes—everything about her called to ideas of spring, where pollen it flying and everything is, in effect, mating. Alice was innocent, gentle, soft-spoken, sweeter than powdered sugar, and a hard worker besides which. Assumedly, she was smart, but that was the only flaw. She could take orders, smile fetchingly, and seemed to be the sort that wanted to _care_ for her boss.

Jack Bowerby liked being taken care of. Anything that was too hard to do in an afternoon wasn't worth doing at all, and that went even for things like his joke of a thesis.

He needed Alice, to sit at a desk right beside Edith, those stuffy blouses of hers unbuttoned a little. He wanted to hear her singing to herself, typing up his work, bringing him a cup of coffee. He wanted to be able to watch Edith and Alice, matched like salt and pepper shakers, the two sides of beauty and lust, angel and devil, sitting out in his office, working for him, doing the work he told them to do.

And he knew Alice would come around. She liked Tetch, probably the way a girl likes her father or uncle. Didn't want to give up the little friendship they had. Once she got a taste of being wanted by a real man, though, she'd leap at the chance to come with him.

Jack didn't really consider Tetch to be a real man, after all. Fifteen years the little lady's senior, after all, and shyer than any man he'd ever met before. Sure, the man was a certified genius, but he was unambitious, overly sentimental, a day dreamer and something of a nut job. Still, Tetch had to realize that his infatuation with his secretary was laughable. Everyone else could see it from space, or at least Jack could. He could see lust coming off another man at twenty leagues.

He didn't hold it against the old geezer, after all. Alice could put a spark in a dead saint, after all, the way she tilted her head and smiled those nice lips and never seemed to think that anyone could possibly be interested in her. She probably had no idea that at least three men on this floor were willing to kill for a date with her, her own boss certainly not excluded. Innocence like that was a total turn-on, and a tool: get an naive girl used to relying on you to tell her she's pretty, and she'll never turn back.

This was all wrapped up. Once he got Tetch to see sense and stop tormenting himself with the impossible, Jack would have a nice paired set of secretaries that were his to direct.

* * *

"Mr. Bowerby," Jervis greeted his colleague in the hallway beside Alice's desk as the secretary stayed in the lab. "How may I help you?" Bowerby seemed to pay no attention to the other man's more businesslike demeanor.

"Jervis, you old dog, how've you been? Still got that lovely little slip of a secretary, I see!"

"Yes, Miss Pleasance is exceedingly competent and conscientious. I am very satisfied with her work."

"Oh, I bet not as satisfied as you could be," Bowerby responded in a low tone with a suggestive grin and an elbow jab. Jervis stiffened his spine and fought back a blush, attempting to muster up as much affronted English propriety as possible.

"I am sure I have no idea what you are referring to."

"Don't be a wet blanket, Tetch; you know you're hording a Helen of Troy back here."

"Miss Pleasance? Really, that would seem to be quite an inappropriate thing to say, Mr. Bowerby." Oh, drat, he was almost certainly blushing now.

"Hey, if you're going to go all red on me, let's talk in your office and have the little minx get back to work."

Flustered, Jervis led the other scientist into his office. Alice, who had been tending Lewis at the time, smiled a well-wishing smile and promptly absconded.

"Hell, I'll level with you. I only turned over those preliminary notes for your inspection because Winethrope would've had my ass if I didn't. I'm here about Alice."

"What about her, Mr. Bowerby?"

"I want her to come and work over in BoSM. She's a great secretary and we're getting a huge workload coming down the pike. We need extra help, and I figure that this is the office most able to spare such a doll."

Jervis' mouth tightened. "First, I would remind you that it is only Alice and I in this division, and that we are quite strained between the two of us to manage the workload we have now. Miss Pleasance is indeed an excellent employee, but I resent your referring to her as a 'doll.' Why not inquire at other offices for spare assistants?"

Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Okay, you wanna be obtuse? Fine. I want Alice because she'd look really good in front of my office. I'm sure that you, probably more than anyone, have noticed that she's about the hottest thing since nuclear radiation."

"Bowerby--!"

"No use being all outraged, old son, you know you've thought it more than I have. It's practically a proven fact, one you're just going to have to live with despite your stuffy propriety. She's got an ass and a pair of legs that won't quit, and all we can do is accept it and enjoy the view!" The other man laughed lewdly and Jervis felt vaguely murderous. How dare this insolent mongrel say such things about Alice? This foul beast should never have had the pleasure of knowing she existed, much less the ability to pass judgment on her physical attributes in such vulgar terms!

"You wish to have her in your department purely because you find her beautiful?" It was careful speaking here; he was reluctant to say anything that Jack could twist into another innuendo. "How flat-minded. She's competent beyond decoration."

Bowerby's eyes narrowed and a nasty sneer twisted his face. "You think I don't know that? Of course she's a good assistant. But I'm curious, now. Why do you want to keep her in your department so bad, huh? Do you think this little hole-in-the-wall, unproductive, dead-end, laughingstock department could possibly offer her anything? I'll bet you've got her thinking it's her duty or her responsibility to stay here with you instead of pursuing a decent career.

"You probably even played that old 'it wouldn't be the same without you, I'd be completely adrift' card and guilted her into it." Well…yes, he might've said something like that, but only because it was true, not because he wanted anything-- "Hell, I know you're keeping her tied down because you think you've got half a chance with her. But it's never going to happen! It's just selfishness, Tetch, since you're keeping her here because you want her; and it's going to end up hurting her. Don't you know that if you make one more mistake (and I do mean one) with Cates, you're out on your ass, and she'll get the boot too?"

This was an ugly thought. Outrage for Alice's sake was beginning to fade, replaced by a reminder of his own inadequacy. Bowerby continued, his voice more serious and saddened, an unseen smirk of triumph hiding in his mouth as he hammered on the other man's rawest nerves and worries.

"It's a hopeless case, Tetch, you've got to realize that. You know it, I know it, and at the end of the day, Alice's gonna know it. There's just nothing you can offer her that she'll want to stay for. She thinks you're all right now, but what's she going to think in a few months, when she knows you better and she's trapped in a job that's going nowhere but down? Don't hold her back for a selfish delusion; give her a chance to find something she really deserves."

Jervis was leaning full against the counter, now, his eyes on the floor. Jack, considering his work to be well and truly done, patting Tetch's shoulder consolingly.

"I'm giving her a great chance for success, here, Jervis. There's only one fair thing to do." The dark haired man left the room, a last sting as his parting shot.

* * *

Alice didn't know what was wrong when she came into Jervis' office after Bowerby left, but it was definitely something bad. Tetch was slumped against his counter, the pointy edge of it digging into his lower back. His arms were crossed, shoulders defensive, eyes miserably locked on the floor.

"What happened, Jervis?" Perhaps she should have tried to deal with Jack Bowerby on her own. The last thing she wanted was to cause Jervis a lot of trouble.

"Mr. Bowerby is a very persuasive speaker." His blue eyes were still on the tiles even as he spoke.

"Oh no. You're not going to let him borrow me, are you?" It would be awful! She wasn't like Edith, she wouldn't be happy fawning over such a wretched man all the time!

"…He…has made some valid points…"

"Don't you dare send me to work for him, Jervis!" Suddenly, a terrible thought struck her. "You don't want to get rid of me, do you?" What if this was all just an elaborate ruse to get her installed elsewhere so that Jervis would be able to go back to his peace and quiet without a ridiculous secretary crashing around underfoot? Would it be better to just duck out as gracefully as possible, maybe find an office other than Bowerby's to work for?

In a spasm of agitation, Jervis' head swiveled up so his eyes were on hers, his arms unfolded to deny the very question she had posed to him. "Oh, no, Alice! I'd never dream of it! Of course I want you to stay, but…" He gestured vaguely around at the laboratory. "I can't offer anything like job security, since I'm always in trouble with Dr. Cates, and it's not as though our office is ever going to be really acclaimed or even noticed. Everything you do might eventually be…futile."

Alice laughed with relief. "That doesn't bother me a bit, Jervis! I don't want glamour or fame. I just want to come in and do a job I like for a boss I like, and that's what I'm doing already! Anyway, Dr. Cates yells a lot, but you've never come close to getting fired. She'd never really do it. And you don't need to offer me anything, Jervis; did Mr. Bowerby say that?"

He nodded, looking flushed, and Alice giggled a little bit at it. It was very sweet, the way he thought he had to provide something for her to want to stay. She put her hand on his upper arm reassuringly and gave a little squeeze.

"I like working with you, Jervis, and I'd choose working here over just about anywhere else in the world; so please don't fob me off on someone else, all right?"

Jervis smiled. "I shall not dream of it hence."

"Good. I'm glad that's clear!"

"There is, of course, the question of how to get Jack Bowerby from troubling you."

"But how? I mean, it's not like there's any way to get him fired; I'm not sure I'd even want that."

"No, that does seem slightly extreme. But perhaps a demotion?"

They sat in silence for a few moments. Jervis felt flushed with pleasure that Alice would choose him (_him_!) over the more physically attractive, potentially successful competition. What a frabjous woman she was! One could just fall in love with her, if one weren't careful…

Alice was thinking about demotions and whether Edith would ever forgive her if she found out it had been Alice trying to get her boss knocked down a peg. Thinking of Edith, she remembered how young Jack was. He held a fairly prestigious position for someone of his age; it was rather surprising.

"How did Mr. Bowerby first get his position, Jervis? I mean, isn't he a little young to be doing the job he is? And he never seems to really know what he's talking about when I ask him some of the questions I ask you." Alice tilted her head and glanced at her employer. She couldn't have known what she brought up.

She was stunned as she watched the transformation take place. First, Jervis blinked, tilted his head, considering; then, eyes focused on the middle distances, his eyebrows slowly rose, as if an idea were dawning on him. He twitched his eyes over to Alice's and made direct contact, a devious, clever little smirk of mischief twirling his lips, the sight of which caused Alice to giggle as her belly flipped strangely. He raised a single eyebrow and lowered his eyelids to half-open, looking smug and a little sneaky.

"My most very dear Miss Pleasance, would you please be so awfully kind as to run down a copy of Mr. Bowerby's thesis on mind control and influence within mammal groups based on brain variations?" he asked in a low, satisfied voice.

Alice's own eyebrows rose at the description of the topic. How familiar… "You mean, you're both…"

"I'm afraid so."

"You don't think he…"

"I find it unlikely, but I cannot be sure until I peruse his work. There maybe traces of others' findings claimed as his own, however."

"Jervis," Alice laughed as she left to run the errand for her boss, "you're absolutely astonishing!"

* * *

"One, two! One, two! And through and through, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back," Jervis murmured to himself, a stapled photocopy in one hand, a red pencil between his teeth, and several dozen textbooks spread all over his lab.

Oh, it had been cleverly done, all right, and hard to spot. But Jervis was a patient man, and a sharp one, besides. He thought he even recognized a snippet of text from his own thesis, although he couldn't be quite sure. This pamphlet was well-arranged, but it couldn't hide the fact that Jack Bowerby hadn't had a single original thought in the whole of it, and even worse, hadn't made a single citation.

Oops.

"Calloo Callay," Jervis said to himself softly, taking a small victory sip of tea. He sat down to write a letter to Dr. Winethrope, the Biology director.

Perhaps the accusation of plagarism, however accurate, was a bit far, but it was all for the sake of two great ladies: Alice Pleasance, who needed a rescue from a monster, and the entirety of Science herself, who must have her virtue avenged from the blackguard who impugned it. After all, scholastic integrity is the foremost concern of many academics.

* * *

Arms full of weeping, mascara-stained woman, Alice sighed and decided that this blouse would probably be completely ruined. She gently patted Edith's back as the woman wailed, eyes spilling what had to be crocodile tears from the sheer volume and quantity of them.

"Ohhhhh, whhhhy?" choke, sniffle "Whhhy'd he d-do such a-" hiccup, sniffle "-thing? Now I'm going to go work for…" sob, gasp, hiccup "…Dodgson Lutwidge!"

"I just don't know, Edith. Maybe he was just desperate."

"B-b-but, _plagiarism_, Alice! It's-" tremble, snort, whimper "-it's just…ohhhhh…" Edith lapsed back into incomprehension and Alice rubbed her back gently.

"You'll do fine with Mr. Lutwidge. He'd just the nicest man to walk on two feet!" This was probably true. Genial, clever, interesting, 'Dodger' was the mustachioed social butterfly of Entomology. "Soon, you'll forget all about Jack Bowerby."

'And so will I,' she thought with a little smile.

Jervis' head suddenly popped 'round the wall. He looked like he was going to ask something, but stopped, his mouth hanging open, upon seeing Edith wailing in Alice's arms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh!" Edith's sobs, rather melodramatic, shook Alice fiercely as she glanced at her employer with a small smile and an eye roll. The blonde bounced her eyebrows at her employer and received a flapping hand gesture in return, as if to say "It can wait."

"I know, Edith, I know, I'm so sorry…" Alice cooed into her coworker's ear, her left hand rubbing the woman's back as her right hand scrawled out 'Lunch?' on a pad of paper, which she discreetly flipped over to show to Jervis, whose eyes widened. Edith took no notice of Tetch, her face pressed against Alice's shirtfront and eyes closed as she inhaled for another moan.

Jervis gesture back at himself, mouthing, 'Me?'

"Of course, honey," Alice said, both to Edith and to Jervis, to whom she tossed a wink.

The slightly-flushed man grinned and nodded excitedly, darting back off to his office. He needed a comb and a tie, STAT!

Alice rubbed Edith's back a little more before pulling away to face her. "Come on, Edith, honey, let's just head to the ladies' room. You'll feel better if you just wash your face and get a drink of water."

"O-okay. You're right. You should wash up, too...you could use it. Oh-" sniff, throat-clear "-it's just too, too distressing. Alice, you're so lucky you've never had something like this happen; you're so lucky for Mr. Tetch."

"Yes, I know I am." Alice smiled.

* * *

A/N: There. I'm kind of throwing it up now and waiting to see how I'll feel about it after it's stewed for a bit. Hope it's sweet, but not too sweet, and snappy, but not too rushed. Here's hoping.


	5. A Reason To Uncelebrate

Summary: Scientific talent minus money usually equals unemployed scientist plus no scientific breakthrough. The Neuro-Mechanical Science offices equal scientific talent plus organizational and social talent minus money. Thus, a grant proposal. Oh dear.

* * *

"Don't wriggle."

"I am not wriggling."

"Well, then, hold still!"

"Miss Pleasance, I assure you that t-this is completely superfluous!"

"I suppose that you're trying to cow me by using that name?"

"Intimidation is not for gentlemen."

"And neither is messiness, so stop squirming."

Alice twisted the collar held in her fingertips and flipped it crisply over. She cradled the tie's knot and straightened the length, smoothing it down with a palm. The lapels of the tweed blazer were straightened with surgical precision, the shoulders smoothed out to form a perfectly symmetrical silhouette.

"I am beginning to think you have an obsession with neatness, my dear."

"Everyone has a vice."

"I feel rather like a dressed goose."

Alice whipped a small comb out of her pocket. "As long as you don't act like one, you'll be fine."

"Is the comb strictly necessary?"

"Yes, Jervis, trust me. You want—scratch that, _need _to make a good impression, don't you?"

"Well, yes…"

"Trust your secretary." The scientist made a sound rather like a polite "harrumph" and fell silent. Alice quickly tamed his somewhat unruly hair into a presentable style, stepping back when she was done. Giving him one long look from his shoes to the crown of his head and back down again, she nodded slowly.

"Very nice. Very handsome," she pronounced with all of the solemnity of an grave empress.

"Truly?" Jervis blushed and attempted to twist a bit, in order to see the effect. "You think so?"

"Yes, of course! Now, do you have your notes?"

"The ones you made me? In my pocket."

"Good. Your topics?"

"Yes."

"Your presentation?"

"It's set up in the room."

"Your pachyderm?"

"Ye—my what?"

Alice laughed. "Sorry, just trying to loosen you up. You'll knock them dead, Jervis, I know you will."

"It's nice to have your vote of confidence, my dear," he said, fidgeting, "but I feel like I'm heading up to the executioner's block."

"You don't need to be nervous. Urania really did some of her best work on that grant proposal, and you know what you're talking about more than anyone else in the world!"

"Be that as it may, I…" He sighed. "I'm just not much of a public speaker."

"Well," Alice floundered for a moment, thinking of something to boost her employer's confidence, "well…pretend it's just me. Pretend you're explaining it to me."

"I ought to imagine that you are going to fund my project?"

"It's not the most unlikely situation in the world…besides, I would say just imagine everyone in their underwear, but I think that would just make you more nervous."

"Ulp. Mm. Excellent point," he mumbled, feeling his face heat up.

"I have every faith in you, Jervis. You're going to do perfectly. You ready?" Alice headed over to the meeting room door, beyond which the grant foundation representatives, department directors, board members, and even Bruce Wayne himself waited to hear Jervis Tetch's proposal.

"Absolutely not."

"I'm right out here, with my fingers crossed! I'll be rooting for you the entire way."

Jervis straightened himself, his shoulders back and posture strict. He shook out his hands and took a deep breath, and looking at his companion, released it. "You promise you'll come to my funeral if they eat me alive?"

"How about I buy the victory dinner when they give you the grant?"

"One cannot believe impossible things."

"I've been practicing."

"Very well, my dear," he said, and opened the door.

"Good luck," she whispered, and he was gone.

* * *

"Wow, you practically had to shove him in there, didn't you?" Urania Stuart was coming down the hall once the meeting room door was closed.

"Jervis has a few self-esteem issues—nothing a pep talk can't cure. He hasn't given a presentation in years and he's just really worried about this particular proposal."

"Yeah; Jervis the Nervous."

"Come on, Urania, that's mean."

"Mean, but true."

The two women headed back toward Alice's station. "Thanks again for working so hard on that proposal."

"It's a living." Urania was always a little awkward about taking compliments.

"I know, but it seemed particularly good."

The women walked in silence until they reached Alice's desk.

"So, how're you going to spend the free time? In fact, how do you spend the time you don't have free? I can't imagine that you're really busy back here."

Alice smiled. "You'd be surprised, actually. I take care of a lot of little organizational things and order supplies…plus, somebody's got to make tea."

"Tetch's office has always been a little mysterious to the rest of us…would you mind if I took a peek in?"

Alice hesitated. She wanted to oblige her colleague, but she didn't think that Jervis would be pleased to have anyone else in his office. He would hate the idea if he were here and she didn't want to violate his trust by giving a tour of his private lab to all and sundry. Besides, what was wrong with a little mystery?

"Sorry, Urania—I think he locked it before he left."

"You don't have a key?" The brunette raised an eyebrow from behind her glasses.

"I need to get one made…I'll add it to my to-do list. Come to mention it, I am a little tired of getting accidentally locked out and having to bang on the door; he tends to get lost in his work. I'm pretty sure a bomb could go off outside the door and he'd never hear it."

"Scientists," the grant writer said with a shrug, "what the heck can you do? Some other time, then."

"Sorry about that," Alice said.

"No worries." Urania looked over at the clock above Alice's head. "Hey, I need to get back to my desk. If you wanna have dinner later, give me a shout."

"Sure thing—and thanks again."

"It's what I do."

Once the brunette was completely out of sight, Alice headed over to her employer's door. Wondering if it actually was locked, she tried the knob, only to find that it opened easily. Glancing over her shoulder, she sidled into the office and quietly shut the door behind her, feeling unreasonably sneaky. After all, she had full run of the office; needed full run of it, in fact, to do her job. Why did she feel so antsy?

Looking around the room, Alice sighed slightly. It was a disaster zone, and had been since three months ago, when this presentation date was announced. She and Jervis had been so busy lately that she hadn't had any time to straighten up.

Deciding that now was as good a time as any, especially since Jervis wasn't here to be bothered by her, Alice rolled up her sleeves and headed over to the bookshelf-desk to start at the heart of the problem.

Ten minutes later, she was sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by papers and books on everything from electrical wiring to microchips to brain waves. Jervis was brilliant, of course, but Alice never really got the scope of how brilliant. Looking into some of the books and scientific journals she had found, Alice felt her eyes crossing and mind jumbling the sentences before her. How did he do this?

As Jervis explained more and more of his project to her, Alice realized that she began to understand less and less. All she knew was that it involved the brain and the electrical impulses that communicated the brain's intentions, and that he was working on something mechanical to…what? Influence it in some way?

Usually, confusion over highly technical issues didn't bother her very much—she knew she wasn't a scientist and that she didn't have the education to fully understand it. But Jervis' work really lit him on fire, whereas Alice couldn't seem to master the basics. What was it that had him so fascinated? Alice found her employer to be a source of boundless interest; he always seemed to be mentioning something curious and wonderful as if she wouldn't possibly be interested in it whenever she spoke to him.

She hadn't been able to gleam much about what he was doing from the little bit of research that she'd done when she first got the job. Alice understood some very basic principles, but she knew that Jervis was exploring uncharted waters in his work—why he was doing it was a question that fascinated her, but the 'how' was even more enthralling.

Looking around her at the papers and books around her, Alice saw a perfect opportunity to gain a little more knowledge about what her friend was up to.

Finding a collection of worn, spiral-bound notebooks, Alice began leafing through his notes. She hoped he wouldn't mind; after all, she typed up his reports and routinely needed information from him to competently do her job. Maybe if she understood his ideas more, she'd be able to help him more. At the very least, it would help satisfy her rampant curiosity.

Squinting at the small, hurried script, Alice began to read.

* * *

Feeling vaguely as if he'd just been attacked by a Jabberwocky, Jervis wiped a handkerchief against his brow. The entire meeting had all become a noxious blur between when Alice wished him luck and when he stepped out of the room, two hours later.

The proposal had not been successful. All he'd been able to garner was a pittance, the equivalent of the pittance he'd been granted a few years ago to start his research at all. There would be no specialized equipment, no cutting-edge technology, no resource of supplies and texts.

On the whole, this didn't matter too much to him. He had very much wanted to be able to use more highly specialized tools, since what he was doing was by no means easy. He'd be able to fashion more primitive editions of the desired tools out of the small resources the new grant would allow for; all this did was force him to push back any major experiments a few months.

But what a waste of a perfectly good three months! All that time, wasted.

'Time won't be pleased with that at all. I'll be lucky if it does anything I ask from now on,' he thought, grimly. A whole season had been lost to the panic of pulling together a potentially-successful grant proposal, and it had flopped catastrophically. For what reason, there was no knowing. Jervis was fairly certain that he hadn't done too badly on the presentation and the question-answer portion of the meeting—he didn't remember Dr. Cates glaring at him any worse than usual, anyway.

Trying to be philosophical about the result, Jervis sighed and stretched a little bit. What he needed was a good cup of tea and he'd feel better about the whole affair. He knew Alice would be there to sympathize with him, and that made him smile a bit. She could always make him feel better.

He was about to make for his office when a voice called from behind. "Mr. Tetch?"

Jervis spun about, coming face-to-face with a smiling Bruce Wayne. "Y-yes, Mr. Wayne?" This pulled-together, eloquent man made Jervis a little uncomfortable; he seemed to be a paragon of men, and next to him, the scientist felt like a mouse. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I just wanted to say that I found your proposal very interesting, Mr. Tetch. I feel that it has real potential, and I'm sorry the grant representatives didn't give it more thought. If there'd anything I can do to help your project along, I'd be glad to hear from you." The millionaire smiled charmingly and handed Jervis his card.

"T-thank you, sir. It's very kind of you to offer!" Jervis felt a little flabbergasted; this was certainly a curious turn of events.

"Bru-uce!" Dr. Cates called from down the hall. There was practically a sparkle at the end of the name.

"Excuse me, it looks like my supper date needs me. Good luck!" Wayne grasped Jervis' shoulder for a moment, then strode away.

"Curiouser and curiouser," Jervis murmured to himself, as he began to head back to his office.

* * *

Alice wasn't at her desk, which shouldn't have been surprising but was. Nor was she in the kitchenette, nor (he presumed) the ladies' room, since her purse was still on her chair. The last place to check was his office, which seemed somewhat unlikely. Alice never entered his office without him that he knew of, although she was of course always welcome.

But where else could she be? She wouldn't leave without checking with him first, and clearly hadn't, if her things were still here. Even if she had gone somewhere else, she would've left him a note.

Quietly walking over to his door, he silently turned the knob, opening the passage a bit to gaze in.

Alice was sitting, legs curled under her, head bowed to some notebook in her hands. Her hair had fallen over her shoulders and she distractedly slipped a hand along the back of her neck to push it aside; he watched, enamored, as the golden strands tumbled down her back and exposed her lovely throat. She cradled the book in two hands, reading intensely, a little frown creasing her forehead as her lower lip peeked out, trapped between her teeth.

He looked closely for a moment, forcing himself to look away from the woman and towards the book in her hands. Didn't he recognize that…

One of his notebooks. Alice Pleasance was reading one of his notebooks. With anyone else, he'd have been enraged at the violation of his privacy, but with Alice, who had full run of the office, he was delighted. There she sat, holding one of his books with reverence, staring at his words, tumbling them over in her mind, absorbing them, accepting them, even asking for more! _She _listened to _him_! It was almost too much for his poor heart to bear!

By the queen, this woman had to be perfect. Simply had to be. It seemed like every day he found something more wonderful about her. She showered him with attention even when she didn't know she was doing it.

May God help him, he was in love with Alice Pleasance.

He must've sighed, because she looked up at him abruptly and gasped.

"Oh! Jervis!" She looked around at the mess. "I guess you caught me red-handed," Alice said, blushing. She closed the notebook abruptly and stood, brushing down her skirt and tripping lightly over the mess around her to approach him. He entered the office and closed the door, momentarily at a loss for words. He smiled to show he wasn't upset.

"So…" she clasped her hands together and tried to read his body language. "Did we get it?"

"Hm?" What was she talking about? Oh! The meeting. "Unfortunately, my dear, we did not. I'm afraid we'll just have to continue on as we have been, although this will set us back a few months."

"Oh, Jervis," she cooed, disappointed, putting a hand on his upper arm. "I'm sorry. Do you know what happened?"

"I have no clue, my dear Alice, except that somewhere along the line we were not the top contender."

"Apparently." She leaned a hip against the side of the counter and crossed her arms. "What an awful waste. You must be devastated."

"Not as much as you might think, actually." Jervis rubbed his hands together and glanced around his office. "It rather makes the process more organic, if you catch my meaning. I would've liked to have the more sophisticated supplies, of course, but I don't much mind the extra work, as long as I'm able to do it myself. The real problem is avoiding the Queen."

"The Queen?" Alice looked at him quizzically for a moment, then smiled. "Oh, of course. 'Heads will roll!'"

Jervis had to chuckle at that—it was an eerily good impersonation. Looking down at the jumble of papers and books that littered the floor around his desk, he raised an eyebrow.

"It seems you've been having troubles of your own."

Alice smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Jervis. I just got gripped by curiosity…I've realized that I haven't a clue about how you're doing what you're doing, even if I know what it is…" She trailed of, as if reflected over her previous statement. "I mean…er, am I making any sense at all?"

"'I think I should understand that better, if I had it written down,'" he replied. Alice raised an eyebrow of her own and twitched her lips.

"I think I know what you're doing, is what I mean. What I don't know, is how."

"Ah, perfectly lucid that time. So you came in here to look?"

"Well, the looking was sort of a by-product of trying to tidy up." She looked despondently at the larger mess on the floor. "I am unsure of my success."

"I suppose now is as good a time as any to handle it. I am looking at the first of a few long nights here, since we'll need to start ordering materials as soon as possible so that I can have something pulled together by the time Dr. Cates decides to make an inspection." Jervis rubbed the back of his neck with a hand and sighed. "Such is the glamorous life of a scientist."

"I've got an idea. Just the thing to cheer you up," Alice said with a smile. "I promised you a celebratory dinner, should we be successful. Since we apparently have not been so, why don't I order something to commemorate our…well, failure."

"An 'uncelebratory dinner,' my dear?" His heart thudded against his ribs.

"I think so. I can clean up in here and you can make a list of the things we need. We will 'uncelebrate' the fact that we are going to have to plod along as best we can. We'll make an evening of suffering in our new-old situation." She grinned at him. "What do you think?"

"It would be my distinct pleasure to 'uncelebrate' our failure, my dear Ms. Pleasance." Jervis couldn't help but smile at the fond look she gave him, as she headed towards the door.

"I'll be right back, then. Why don't you put on your lab coat? You look far to successful for an 'uncelebration.'" The blonde tossed a teasing grin at him and disappeared.

Smiling at this mess on his floor, Jervis decided that if these were the repercussions of his failures, he never wanted to succeed again.

* * *

**A/N: Is it squishy to a fault? Positively gooey? Overtly sentimental to the point of being the fanfiction equivalent of a Norman Rockwell painting? Pandering? Offensively sugary?**

**Why, yes. Yes indeed it is. Because happiness actually happens, as staggering as it may be to believe.**

**Lewis Carroll seemed to have a certain affection for 'un' things; it appears that Jervis and Alice do, too.**


	6. A Pleasant Walk, a Pleasant Talk

Summary: Marsha Cates is only crunchy on the outside--inside, she's full of creamy nougat. Well, not really. It's kind of like slightly-less crunchy stuff. Alice breaks up with a beau who's not Billy. Le gasp! Alice/Jervis

* * *

Marsha Cates had grown up in a house full of sisters and had had her fair share of unhappy relationships, and as such, she could spot the effects of a nasty break-up at forty paces. And, whatever else she may be, she was observant. So, when she came blazing down the hall to check in on Jervis Tetch, she knew something was wrong with his secretary's love life before she even saw the girl.

For one thing, the girl's sobs and the distinct sound of tissues being pulled out of a box bled down from her station. Theoretically, this could've meant that anything was wrong—but from her tone of the girl's voice, Marsha was hazarding that this was about an affair d'amour gone wrong.

She rounded the corner to see that Alice had buried her head in her arms, her body shaking with sobs. Crumpled Kleenex wads were scattered all over the top of her desk, and a large cup of tea stood beside her. She had almost curled herself into a ball in her chair, and was clearly trying to make her sorrow as noiseless as possible—unfortunately, it was not quite effective. Marsha wondered for a moment why the girl had chosen to remain at her desk and cry, until she remembered exactly where she was; Alice probably worked for days back here without seeing another living soul…god knew Jervis Tetch probably hadn't spoken two words to her since she started. Alice's desk was probably the most private place in the entire building.

Marsha paused for a moment, considering what to do. The girl had only been there for a few months, but she'd already seemed to have gotten her situation under control. She'd liked Alice since she started—sometimes there were a few problems, lateness and such, but she was a hard worker and a sweet girl, and she was in a somewhat rough position. It wouldn't be right to let her drown in her own tears…besides, it was horribly unproductive.

The director stepped closer to the sobbing woman and tried to soften her voice.

"Alice?" The blonde's body jerked at her voice, startled blue eyes coming up to recognize her superior with no little amount of fear. She rubbed a tissue across her eyes and rapidly began explaining.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Cates, I really am, I didn't mean to be slacking off but I'm really not at my best today and I'll make it up later if you want but I didn't intend to do anything wrong, I promise!"

Marsha held up her hands. "Slow down, slow down. I'm not mad at you…you haven't done anything really wrong, yet. Would you tell me what's wrong?"

"It's…personal."

"Bad break-up?" the director sighed. As pretty and sweet as the blonde was, it seemed that she lacked considerably in the brains department, at least where subterfuge was concerned. It was fairly obvious that something romantic was afoot.

"Yes," sniffled the secretary. "B-Bruno, my boyfriend, just…" She exploded into sobs, a handkerchief pressed to her face. "…some girl, Sylvie, I think…"

Marsha awkwardly patting her back. "That's how men are, Alice…scum, all of them."

"I know, b-but we'd had four good months, and…" Alice dissolved into sobs, and the next thing to happen nearly put Marsha in catatonic shock.

"Oh, there there, my dear…" Jervis Tetch came around the corner with a steaming cup in one hand, his face set in a sad smile. He'd not noticed Marsha yet—his eyes were only for Alice. Marsha was astonished; she'd never seen him look so relaxed, so calm and yes, so efficient. He didn't stutter or tremble or make stupid mistakes…but that strange light in his eyes when he looked at the girl aroused Marsha's ire and protective instincts, and she was reminded that, taking care of a distraught woman or not, he was supposed to be working on a new proposal.

The blond man spoke gently to the teary woman, soothing her like one would a nightmare-plagued child. "This too shall pass, dear Alice—don't waste your tears so, not on such a Jabberwock." Setting down the cup, Jervis glanced up at Dr. Cates, smiled ruefully, did a double-take, and nearly leapt into the air. "D-Doctor!"

"Shouldn't you be working, Tetch?" Marsha replied icily.

"I-I-I…"

"Jervis came out to check on me," Alice spoke up in a watery voice. "I'd just gotten off the phone and I was crying…he heard me and wanted to make sure I was all right."

"The situation is well in hand now," Marsha said crisply, rubbing Alice's back. "You may go back to your office, Tetch."

Alice seemed to recognize that there was no talking the director out of it. "Thank you so much, Jervis…you always know how to make me feel better."

Resentment was coming off of Tetch in waves, but he softened at Alice's words. "If you need something, please just knock." The blonde smiled slightly and nodded, watching as he slowly left to his office.

Marsha pulled up a chair and dragged the whole miserable story out of Alice, listening pseudo-patiently through all the stuttering and weeping, reassuring the girl that all men had commitment issues and were intimidated by powerful women…and that no man would ever settle down decently, that it wasn't her fault.

When she left a half an hour later, she failed to notice that Alice trotted right back over to her employer's office door and knocked—after all, it was preposterous that Jervis Tetch could comfort the girl better than a simple common sense explanation of the situation.

The idea was enough to make you laugh your head off.

* * *

A/N: Short as heck. And I'm not sorry a wet slap. Enjoy! Or don't. Either works, I suppose.


	7. Save Time

_Comfort_

She never wondered at the incredible power his touch on her shoulder had to calm and soothe her, and she didn't realize until later that maybe she should've thought about it a little more.

_Kiss_

They never shared a kiss—his had always been given freely to her hands, ever another one at her disposal as a parting gesture; that night in Wonderland, it had been a scream of his, not something that could be exchanged, not while she was under his control.

_Soft_

He'd felt her hair against the back of his hand once or twice, and he didn't think there was a more wonderful sensation in all the world.

_Pain_

They told him, afterwards, that the hurt would only go away if he let himself forget and revile her—even Crane told him to turn the passion of love to the passion of hate—but he knows that he'd rather ache with love than ever endure the numbness of such a loss.

_Potatoes_

She grinned and lifted the lid of the casserole, presenting to him something of her own invention; apparently merely claiming that he needed to eat more was no longer enough.

_Rain_

He found her sitting at her desk, trembling, eyes wide as she waited, tense, for the next crack of thunder—he knew that only a little privacy couldn't help this, so he came out of the hall and tried to distract her.

_Chocolate_

On her birthday, she found a small box on her desk—she laughed aloud when she found out that he'd even remembered her favorite, strawberry creams; when she interrupted his studies to pitch her arms around him and squeeze him, he found that he didn't care at all.

_Happiness_

Beauty may be in the eye of the holder, Jervis decided, but joy was definitely in Alice Pleasance.

_Telephone_

"Jervis Tetch's office," she said, and every time it made his belly flip.

_Ears_

Her voice sounded strange to her, too squeaky and whiny, but he always assured her that it was fine…perfect, really…for her job, that is.

_Name_

He'd never mentioned that her name was the last thing he noticed—that instead of sparking his attraction, it only sealed the deal.

_Sensual_

There was a particular smell around him, a smell she almost remembered from her childhood, the smell of a male teacher of hers, a man who had been kind and wise and gentle and took special interest in her—it was strange, how we forget our little childhood crushes.

_Death_

Entropy was the way of the universe, after all, and he understood that well enough…but that didn't mean that he had to like that maybe this, too, would come to an end.

_Sex_

He had no illusions—he wanted her carnally, wanted her in ways that almost repulsed him with their vulgarity and base physicality—but he swore that if he ever got the opportunity, she would not find him a selfish lover…he wanted her pleasure as much, if not more, than his own.

_Touch_

He chewed the inside of his lip as he watched this boy come to call on his secretary—he was _touching_ her face, and he hated it.

_Weakness_

He was a very poor man; sometimes he thought that perhaps his passion for this woman was truly as doomed as it seemed.

_Tears_

She cried on the night that he took her and was caught and dragged off to Arkham—she cried exactly 365 days later, remembering it—then another 365 days after that—and then, 365 days after that, she slept peacefully in his arms.

_Speed_

The White Rabbit was left in his dust when he heard her cry out in pain when she slit her pain on a scissors' blade.

_Wind_

Wisps of breeze came in, now and then, through the tiny window planted in the wall of his office—she often came in whenever she needed fresh air, and he would occasionally join her on a bit of a break as she took the air and fed Lewis.

_Freedom_

He watched the moon, whenever he was out of Arkham, hoping that somehow, her bed was still empty and she was watching it, too.

_Life_

Alice was better than blood, better than breath—she moved his heart to beat without even realizing she did so.

_Jealousy_

Alice surprised herself by eyeing the letter opener on her desk with faith intentions of violence when she watched Edith walk her fingers up an uncomfortable Jervis' chest.

_Hands_

He felt a vicious stab of pleasure as her hand came to his face, and as he held her hand in his, bringing it to his lips he could feel her delicious warmth even through his gloves.

_Taste_

The woodsy, vanilla taste of her favorite tea reminded her of him, and because she drank it often, she was often reminded of him.

_Devotion_

She knew they looked at her strangely whenever she walked through the office back to her old station—she worked for Dr. Cates now, but the director had no room for her desk, so Alice happily stayed at her old spot, feeling as if she at least hadn't abandoned Jervis that way.

_Forever_

He was the first man to make her believe him when he said he'd never leave.

_Blood_

Alice had to grin—the way he fussed over one little cut, you would think she was in peril of losing her life.

_Sickness_

"Blow," she said, holding the tissue around his nose and balancing a cup of tea in one hand, her expression wry; "I told you I oughtn't've let you stay out doing that experiment on the roof."

_Melody_

He wasn't sure what their song would be, but he thought someday he'd find it, and it would finally tell her exactly how he felt.

_Star_

She sometimes wished that she wasn't in Gotham at all, because of all the light pollution—she sometimes dreamed about what nights must be like, under the stars in Jervis' beloved Wonderland.

_Home_

It was probably sad that his office felt more like home than his apartment, but he couldn't help it—home, was, after all, where the heart was.

_Confusion_

The night was all a bit of a muddle, even years later; all she remembered was that she had been kissed that night, and that was all…not even kissed, as she hadn't been able to respond, and she tried to pretend she hadn't wanted to be kissed at all.

_Fear_

He'd never known fear until he'd seen that horrible metal shackle locked around her finger—something had to be done.

_Lightning/Thunder_

He was minding her during this storm—he knew how they troubled her—and when she clung to him during a rough clap of thunder, he found that he hadn't the will in the slightest to let her go…he didn't know, however, that she felt exactly the same way about him.

_Bonds_

The bonds of matrimony would weigh her down, clip her wings, and he only wanted to watch her continue to fly.

_Market_

When other men looked at her, she felt like a slice of beef—when he looked at her, she felt like a queen.

_Technology_

He was a genius, of that she was beyond certain; he only made it look easy, because when he explained it, her head spun with the effort and desire to understand him.

_Gift_

On his birthday, she returned the chocolates with something really special: a teacup from her Grandmother Lorina's Alice in Wonderland teaset.

_Smile_

He had a picture of the two of them, taken with a new Polaroid camera she'd been fond of, their two sets of teeth happily bared looking back at him and keeping him buoyant when the world threatened to drag him down.

_Innocence_

Alice was innocent, in every meaning of the word—naïve was not at all appropriate for her, really, because she was curious, and she was smart.

_Completion_

His shout of triumph went unnoticed by her, but only because she was hurriedly trying to save him from a fate worse than death.

_Clouds_

They lay on a hill in England, decades after they met, watching the clouds roll by, held in each other's arms and trading stories.

_Sky_

Jervis' eyes were blue as a cloudless sky, a sharp, citrusy blue that almost made her eyes hurt but also made he crave more.

_Heaven_

He found paradise was being in her presence…

_Hell_

…and she found damnation was in not being in Arkham Asylum with him.

_Sun_

She dragged him out to take lunch in the sunshine one day, and he decided that the sunburn was worth it.

_Moon_

Running under the pale eye of the moon, he thought of her and wished that she would hope that he was safe.

_Waves_

Like a stone thrown in a pool, their meeting rippled out into a million different experiences that always came back to the center—that they were together.

_Hair_

Her hair really was gold, vibrant and lively and lovely…yellow was not at all the appropriate color; no color of illness ever fit Alice at all.

_Supernova_

Jervis personally fond the idea of a supernova appealing—better a bang than a whimper and all—but Alice only found the concept of such an eternal's death only sad.

* * *

A/N: So there you go. Not a lot to say, except that I hope this little exercise sparks a could of drabbles out of me. If you'd like to use any of them for such purposes and I'm not being presumptuous in thinking you might, go nuts but credit.


	8. Who Dreamed Who?

Beginnings

In the beginning, there was tea (thank goodness). And it smelled good.

Jervis rolled over and kissed the hand of the woman beside him. "Good morning, dear."

"Good morning. What part of the paper, angel?" she asked, looking down at him through the pair of reading glasses that had to be…good heavens, twenty years old by now.

"None of it, please," he said, shielding his eyes from the morning light.

"Oh really? Are you sure you don't want to catch up? Mr. Nygma has an article about palindromes in the Arts and Leisure section."

"That man should be ashamed of himself. Playing games at his age."

Alice smirked. "You were 'playing croquet' yesterday and didn't seem to mind."

"Alice!"

"Nearly threw your back out in the attempt, my dear Hatter. But you managed to recoup, as you usually do." Then she rolled on top of him, to remind him that sixty was probably a perfectly good age to still be playing games, but seventy-five even moreso.

In the beginning, there was tea (thank goodness) and Alice.

* * *

Middles

Alice frowned. "This is important, you know."

"Naturally."

"Go away."

"I don't think I will, actually."

"Go away!"

"I don't think you mean that."

The blonde blew up her bangs. "Why do you always do this?"

"I think you just pick the wrong time of day."

"It's a perfectly respectable time of day!"

"Too late in the evening, I think."

"Well, I'm a little busy!"

"So I see. So am I."

"Get your hands off of those!"

"I'm quite comfortable, thank you."

Alice sighed and shook her head. Why did Jervis always choose to get slithy when she was in the middle of making supper?

* * *

Ends

Perhaps frustration was getting to him, he thought, putting down the beaker with a definitive click instead of pitching it across the room as his muscles had begged for him to do mere moments ago. The project should not be nearly as difficult as it was becoming and he was nearing the end of his tether of patience. If only he could find those blasted notes!

The laboratory and office was an absolute jumble—it had been from the first moment he moved in, all these years ago.

Maybe Dr. Cates was right…maybe he did need a secretary. Polishing off the end of the teapot, he started to scribble out a rough draft of an advertisement.

* * *

Insides

Jervis has only caught Alice daydreaming once or twice, but he was instantly smitten with the dreamy expression her face took on when she was paying attention only to something going on inside her head. What could she be thinking, he wondered. What sort of ideas did she tumble around that would make her lips pout out and purse that way, that would make her eyes go ever-so-slightly out of focus? What thoughts made her shake her head suddenly, turning back to her typewriter only to drag her back into the depths of imagination, not to return for several more moment?

One had to wonder.

* * *

Outsides

There was something about Jervis' features that pleased her…the vaguely asymmetrical quality of his face that drew her attention back to him whenever he called attention to a particular part of his project, gesticulating and turning the device around in his hands so that she could see what he was talking about. His features were friendly, warm, and yet…there was something about them, she couldn't explain, but there was something about them that always made her come back. His hair was the best example; she sort of felt like she wanted to fix it, but then again she would feel like she was ruining it. But her fingers itched to do something, something that they weren't quite sure what it was.

* * *

Hours

"How long has it been?"

"Seven hours."

"And he still hasn't come out?"

"No."

"Are you sure he's all right?"

"Well, he is a professional."

"Does that necessarily mean he has any idea what he's doing?" Alice gave Arianna a sharp look, to which Ari grinned.

"He's a genius, Ari, of course he knows what he's doing."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Well…we haven't heard an explosion yet. And he did admit that the time he burnt my winter coat, he wasn't completely sure of what he was doing."

"So you equate knowing what one is doing with one not setting anything on fire?"

Alice held up her hands helplessly. "All I know is that I trust him!"

Arianna just smiled self-satisfactorily.

* * *

Days

In the days after Bruno left her, Alice found herself doing a lot of thinking. Well, actually Day One wasn't designated for anything more than a lot of crying. So was Day Two. But by Day Three Arianna surprised her by taking a personal day and dragging her out of her apartment to do lunch.

"Have you stopped sobbing over fairy-boy yet, Alice?"

Alice felt her eyes water up again, but she managed to avoid crying. "N-not really."

"I don't know why you were ever with him, really. He was such a deadbeat, honestly." Arianna took a bite of fish. "I think you need to date someone with a job. A trade."

"A trade? Like what?"

"I don't know. A milliner?"

"A hat-maker, Arianna? Do any even exist any more?"

Arianna grinned. "I know a few."

* * *

Weeks

Jervis was fairly certain he was going to die. In fact, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion by this point. The agony was just too unendurable…as he made his way through his days he felt the unending pricking of the wound and frequently had to pause to regroup himself. Burning across his chest, he winced every time something bumped him and reminded him of the pain's presence and found himself more than once trying desperately to distract himself. No medicines would work; no amount of sleep could clear his head. He was simply in pain, constant, unceasing pain.

He hoped Alice never took another two-weeks vacation again.

* * *

A/N: A quickie, because I ran out of inspiration toward the end. Enjoy! And thank you to the Glorious Cheshire Cat for letting me borrow Arianna! She was a star!


	9. Back Through the Looking Glass

Ring

Alice didn't keep Billy's ring, but she couldn't bear to sell it or pawn it—eventually, she secretly slipped it into the cup of a beggar on Dodo Avenue.

Hero

Jervis was fairly certain that he wasn't a prince of any caliber, but princes were brutes anyway…if it pleased Alice, he would assume the role of Rumpelstiltskin, if he could only have her love in return for his services.

Memory

After Jervis had been himself long enough to reject any memory of a life not built with teacups and cemented with smoke rings, he held onto Alice—she was part of the fairytale as well, after all.

Box

All the personal objects from his office fit in a small box under her desk, and that thought made Alice cry.

Run

Years went by before Alice realized that she hadn't stopped running since that night she tried to pull away from him, so her New Year's resolution became to give up jogging.

Hurricane

Jervis always felt a hurricane boiling in his blood whenever he saw Alice smile at him, a shockwave of electricity that begged him to do something dangerous and downright mad, and it took him several minutes alone in his office before he'd be able to emerge with clear skies again.

Wings

No angel of his would have clipped wings, he decided, the pain of a thorn in his palm as his rose showed him the ring.

Cold

On cold nights, Alice would go through every sweater she owned, only to come back to the same conclusion every time: nothing warmed one up like a nice cozy hat…ter.

Red

Pomegranate red, fire engine red, blood red, wine red, really red, dark red, red velvet, red satin, rust red, kiss-me-touch-me-strawberry-apple-candy-cherry red; Edith had a long list of lipsticks that she believed would look good on Alice, but even all the cosmetic arts could not wipe away the vaguely panicked look on the blonde's face whenever she glossed the sticky stuff on.

Drink

The cup of tea was the most civilized moment of Jervis' day…even Dr. Cates' rants were wiped away in the oblivion of a fine cup of Earl Grey.

Midnight

Alice lay in bed and watched the Bat Signal click off, unable to sleep and unwilling to lose herself to peace on such a night.

Temptation

Jervis swallowed thickly as he watched Alice walk down the hall with Arianna, or more specifically, watched the sway of the blonde woman's hips—why did she insist on torturing him this way?

View

"Come on!" she said, tripping along the stepping stones and leading him through the moss by his hand; abruptly she stopped and pointed up, and he could see through the sunny, verdant canopy of trees a slice of pure blue sky—no wonder this was her favorite spot in Gotham.

Music

Jervis had always been a quiet creature, from his very earliest moments, but while this particular trait made him invisible to most people, Alice only saw it as a reason to draw him out into the light and sound of her world.

Silk

Alice smiled a surreptitious smile of satisfaction, the smile of a well-pleased woman, as she went through her day with the secret rustle of pure silk beneath her boring office wear—some indulgences were more special than others.

Cover

Jervis legged it while Alice tried to look busy and harried, coming up with a cover story as Dr. Cates stormed down the hall towards them on a particularly slow day.

Promise

"Trust me," she pleaded, tears in her eyes as she held out her hands beseechingly—and as usual, he could not deny her.

Dream

He knew how ridiculous it was to wish for a life with Alice, a home and a hearth and even a family, but in Arkham there was very little else to do but dream.

Candle

Once, when the electricity kicked off in the middle of a snowstorm, she came into his office and they lighted a few emergency candles, and he could almost pretend he was worthy of her, as the candlelight softened his features.

Talent

Genius, she'd called him, more than once but never to his face—she knew he'd be embarrassed and brush it off, and she didn't want him to deny plain facts this time.

Silence

When he was gone, there was nothing left in her world but the roar of silence; he'd been such a quiet man, but his silence was never as oppressive as that of his absence.

Journey

Alice didn't know, that night, that what would come next was an adventure, one of many steps and many trials, full of choices that she would have to make alone…starting almost immediately.

Fire

Jervis was pure flame—silent, flickering, capable of great destruction or great warmth, graceful (in a strange way), tamed only by those who knew his nature very well.

Strength

Alice was just as he remembered—light as a feather—and even in his less than muscular state he had no trouble sweeping her off her feet and, laughing, into his arms.

Mask

For the sake of the others, she wore the mask: the mask of the righteously indignant victim, the mask of the token daughter and the token would-be bride, while inside she wept for her loss and coddled a broken heart unseen.

Ice

Alice was ice—steady, solid, beautiful and crystalline and glimmering, easily melted, and a slow, certain frost that captured your heart bit and piece before taking the whole.

Fall

She later thought it amusing that while she was wondering what it felt like to fall in love, she did.

Forgotten

Jervis, as the Mad Hatter, was not frequently lucid enough to fear much beside the Batman—but the one thing he did fear was being forgotten by his sweet dream-child, his Alice.

Dance

She forced him to dance, when he barely knew the steps, when he didn't recognize the music, when he wasn't sure he even wanted to; but sure enough, he found himself having fun.

Body

The slim line of her ankle, the flick of her wrist, the arc of her throat and the cheeky flash of a smooth knee under her skirt; Jervis vaguely felt as if he were being teased, and he couldn't find it within himself to not enjoy it.

Sacred

Certain things were sacred, Jervis believed, and one of them was Alice's virtue—his hands around the man's throat would remind the Arkham guard (who'd tauntingly called her a whore) of this sanctity.

Farewells

He never said goodbye, partly because he'd scared her too badly and she didn't want to come near him at that moment, and partly because a secret, stupid part of him hoped that this wasn't the end.

World

Alice sometimes wished he'd tell her about England—she'd never explored outside of Gotham, but she'd always wanted to see what the rest of the world was like.

Formal

Alice loved it when he called her his "dear"; from such a formal man, the gift of a familiar nickname was something to be treasured.

Fever

Madness was a fever, and like most fevers, when he came out of it, he never remembered exactly what he'd done.

Laugh

Jervis didn't laugh much—he was more the kind to chuckle softly or, more often, smile indulgently or wryly—and Alice took that as permission to find something to make it happen.

Lies

"Please stop," Alice said tiredly, putting a hand to her eyes, "I've heard enough tonight."

Forever

Even if she hurt him, even if he hurt her, she hoped they would never part ways permanently.

Overwhelmed

Jervis blinked as he exited his office for the first time that day and caught sight of and extremely agitated Alice buried in a massive amount of paper—perhaps it was time for a rescue.

Whisper

Arianna murmured in her ear, and, blushing, Alice shoved the laughing woman away.

Wait

He waited for her to lead, certain that she would be uncomfortable with his taking control, but after several moments realized that she was actually waiting for him to lead the dance.

Talk

They didn't usually need words—most of the time they could communicate with smiles and gestures…but eventually, it proved to not be enough.

Search

As he kissed her hand, Alice smiled, certain that she could look for the rest of her life and she'd never find another man like Jervis Tetch.

Hope

'Hope springs eternal,' Arianna thought as she watched them stand close together in quiet conversation at the end of the meeting.

Eclipse

He led her to the top of the roof and helped her shield her eyes and, with the help of the sun and the moon, stole her breath away.

Gravity

Standing in the waiting room of Arkham Asylum, Alice felt like a tiny moon, always revolving around and drawn back into his gravity…she couldn't find it within herself to resent the thought.

Highway

Arianna was the driver of the carpool, on the grounds that Alice daydreamed too much for them to survive a single trip.

Unknown

Alice had precisely the right combination of bravery and ignorance to jump into the unknown head first and the right amount of magnetism to make it irresistible to follow her, albeit protesting all the way.

Lock

If she didn't live in Gotham, Alice would the type of person who never locked her doors, Jervis thought as she came inside dripping wet, a small, emaciated kitten cradled in her arms.

Breathe

Without her, he was suffocating…without him, she trapped in a glass jar.

* * *

A/N: What can be said? I'm not inspired, but I am verbose.


End file.
